Sha luv him alot

2012-01-29T16:18:00.001+08:00

Bcos he's everything to me.

2011-09-11T00:04:00.002+08:00

I have a feeling that no one comes here anymore. I mean, blogging was a trend. I just needed a place to let it out. I might not be able to express everything here but I just want my mind to be in peace. So recently, I've lost someone dearly to me. I won't say that I hte life due to my loss coz it's God's decision to do so. I'll stay strong. Although it is easily said but the heart can't seem to take it. My life will change and I can bet on it. I won't say again that my life will change to becoming worse. These are all challenges for God. I trust him, Insyaallah. I'm glad that he left us without any burden. I'm super glad that he was smiling the moment my grandmother open the plastic thing. Alhamdulillah. There are number of things that I've regreted for not doing and doing. But they say, what's the point of regretting, right? We'll just have to learn from it. Yes, Insyaallah, I'll learn from it. My priorities are different now. Insyaallah, the only person I want to take extra care of is my grandmother, followed by my siblings. My r/s with Haqim won't be the same. No more waking up next to him or sleeping/cuddling with him for now. Besides, he's moving out and I'm not going to school that much. Insyaallah, we'll try to make our relationship work. Like they say in malay, "Kalau ade jodoh, tak ke mane." Not to forget my friends. The telephone has a meaning to it. I know that O's are coming and I'll come just to take the O's paper. I know my decisions ain't the best and I know Atok wants me to study. I will but I want nenek to not live with no problems or burden. Atok tak susahkan nenek, so why must I. I can't afford to lose another. Both had taken care of me since young. Since I was a baby. They're like my parents. I love them. Insyallah, I'll pray for him. I'd like to change my ways. Let they say what they want. Insyaallah, I'll stay strong and be patience with all the haters and their words. I myself am not sure with my decisions but what I've picked is my final. That's it.

2011-07-02T18:36:00.002+08:00

Boy, I miss you and I know you're halfway out the door and I'm sorry. You won't return my call or texts. I know that you hate me and that you're feeling jaded by now with this bitch right here. It's okay. Good bye. No point returning everything when all we're gonna do is repeat everything. If you're leaving, please leave all the way and never come back.

2011-06-14T22:21:00.002+08:00

Hi. You ought to be kidding. It's so obvious. Fuck our story, bro. I'm done with it. With all the fb status. Fuck it.

2011-06-10T00:29:00.003+08:00

We've travelled so far but there's still a longer journey that we need to go. I've been holding onto this thing called us for years now and truth is, I never thought it would get this hard. The further we go, the harder for me to keep up with my promise. The starting of our love story was best. I guess, our mistake was that we rushed things so fast in the past that we didn't get the chance to spend the excitement wisely. Now that we're older, our thinking and r/s can be described as old. I know I suck for insulting on my own r/s but I just want us to bring back the joy. I want to feel the rush. I miss the feeling when you keep making me blush or whatsoever. When was the last time you'd ever compliment me. I don't think you noticed the difference about me. It's nauseating. I'm tired of running after you. Attention. That's all that I need. I guess I gave my attention to the wrong person.

I should be more cautious when it comes to pouring my hearts out. I just feel like I need someone. I just don't think I've met that person just yet. I just don't know how to play this game anymore.

2011-06-08T18:13:00.003+08:00

It's been some time since I update this dusty blog. I've been so busy with my packed schedule and I just got back from Yishun. I'm planning of staying here till next Monday and we'll be there to have some quality time with baby for our 45th Monthsary. I'm back to my bad habits again. No one knows which one but fuck it.

I really hate typical Singaporeans. They keep pissing me off with their stupidity and inconsiderate actions. Oh fuck yourself. No offends but without any doubt, the Chinese wants this country to be theirs. Even in the bus. Dammit. This is a country filled with many races, forgodsake. I'm so enraged with this kind of behaviour. kay bye.

Call me a bitch but I just don't give a notice about it anymore. In your eyes, my actions are all stupid. They just brings you down, right? Even if it for the best of us? I took the time to spend it on us. Oh wait till I pluck the courage to say goodbye. For now, I just don't want to think anymore. 7 days here and all you can think is about your own feelings. FYI, we don't always meet and you ask for more. wtf.

I'm out of cash already. Not a single dime on me.

2011-05-31T21:05:00.003+08:00

Hi World, I'm fucking bored right now. Life's been neutral but still, there's always that steep road. However, I'm taking things easy for now so go to hell with it. I'm currently uploading pictures of me and sissie on facebook + watching tv + thinking of old baby Sheckler. muahaha. I really want to get high with books starting tomorrow. There's coaching and I really want to buy myself an assessment book. I had Malay dance practice and it was the bomb! I can feel the fun and excitement during the dance prac. The music was fast and it got me high. Right after that, I had my PTC and this time round, mum came for it. Thank god coz if it was my grandfather, I would have been dead by now. Enough said, I'm craving for an outing with various kind of people. I wanna go out with sheckler so bad ^^ I wanna go out with my Helium Baby. My friends. My family. Oh please. . I really wanna get myself a new set of outfit and jeans please. I miss shopping like really bad.

Dammit, I need a breather.

2011-05-25T18:02:00.002+08:00

I'm sick. I'm weak and I'm irritated. High fever plus many other symptoms. I missed two Malay intensive and maybe it's gonna be three if I can't make it for tomorrow. Fuck it. Mdm Noor was pissed off due to my absent but who cares. I'm sick, you dumb ass. Which one would you choose? Would you rather see me rest now or not see me do Olevel M.T paper which is in 5 more days. Enough of this crap.

Life is okay. I just got home from 148 and will be back there on Friday. Baby had left for his first motorcycle theory. I'm currently imagining what it would be like to be riding his bike wherever we go. Anyway. . I had a splendid time with babe especially on Sunday ( 23/05). He surprised me by bringing me to the zoo ^^ Happy! I totally had everything that I had been craving for. I got my Ben&Jerry ice cream. My trip to the zoo. Him to surprised me and even a movie date to watch Beastly! wohooo!! I really wanna watch it again but this time with Ellina. It's a must to watch. I love Abdul Haqim Bin Nasirun.

Let things be this way. I guess there's no point talking anymore, right babe? Like I've said, I won't be surprised if you were to walk away from me. So yea. I'm cool with it. I'M FUCKING USED TO IT. Your FAVOURITE sentence.

2011-05-17T13:36:00.003+08:00

I'm back but I won't be blogging that much. I'm still at baby's crib and have been staying here for the past almost-3 weeks. It's been tough. I do not know why but prefer to keep my things to myself rather than sharing. I got better things to worry about. All and so, it really feels weird to be living away from my own family. I guess i need a break. So far it's been really nice here although i didn't get the chance to talk to babe that much but it's okay. The night is always ours. Kaykay. I feel like going out today but to where and with who? Hmm. .

2011-05-08T23:56:00.003+08:00

Hi. It's 9th of May 2011 and I wanna dedicate this special post to my adored yet nuisance boyfriend, Abdul Haqim Bin Nasirun. Hi baby. Probably you'll be reading this sooner or later. Happy 18th Birthday. You're old enough to buy yourself a pack of SG cigarette. muahaha. Motorcycle license. Wow. For the past 3 birthday (sec 2 till now), I can see changes in you. Both physically and mentally. You've grown bigger and wiser with your words. The past two weeks staying at 148, you really showed me what kind of a son you are. A brother you are. An uncle you are. Not that I do not know all that but your growing has really made me proud to know you. I've seen the pain you went through over the 18 years. The stories you've told me about your background from the day we were officially together, is already part of my memory. Girls, they remember every single details. cheayy. nahh.. moving on. . The stories we shared when you were little. I remember the clip that your mum showed me when you were around 2 years old. How adorable, baby. I'm sorry if I weren't much of a girlfriend towards ya. I expect too much and I feel like as though I'm spoiled at times. Truth is, I had never met any guy like you. Any girl would wanna date if they really know you. Your mum must have been proud of you. So as your friends. We all are proud of you, B. However, I know something bitter will come your way. I won't say much coz for sure, you need your space. When that time comes, not to worry dear, I'll be there when you need me. You're the best, baby. Once again, Happy 18th Birthday, love.

-There's more to come.

2011-04-25T19:09:00.002+08:00

I guess I won't be updating this blog that much since MYE is nearing. To be exact, it's in 4 more days and I have yet to start on anything. Nevertheless, Imma' start on it as soon as I'm done blogging. Itchy fingers. It has been a while since I touched Facebook and well, nothing much. It's getting boring anyway. On the other hand, Twitter is my addiction and I blame them for making my prepaid low -.-"

Woke up pretty early and got myself ready for school with Ellina. At the last minute, Haqim didn't want to attend school so it was kind of an advantage for us. So, we met after school and went to bendemeer. I miss him already. It's been tough. Really really tough for me. I'm stubborn and therefore, Imma' still go with what my heart wants and that is to be with you.

I just don't think what you guys did was necessary. Telling me that I've changed and becoming more stubborn especially with my ways and that my words were harsh. Well I guess, you guys deserved it. I just think enough is enough coz I'm already out of patience and you guys have been pissing me more than once. Like I've said on my previous post. People don't know my story and still assumed things with all of my personal problems. I can't trust people. I learnt that the hard way so shut the fuck up.

Wanna know what's my resolution when O's done? There's a million of things I wanna do but for now, I just wanna get it done and over with. I really wanna push myself hard and once it is over, goodbye to all those fuckheads. Label me, I dare ya.

2011-04-24T21:16:00.002+08:00

Hi. Currently using Haqim's netbook to update. I have tons of things to spill it out right here but I guess I shall keep some of them to myself. I've been so called staying at baby's for 5 Nights and 4 Days. Really, 5N4D. My schedule is so tight and I fucking hate it. Went to Babe's tournament, and he fucking won! I'm so proud of him^^ In your face, bitch! Tu lah, nak bising-bising kan. Sampai nak maki laki aku kan? PADAN MUKE! kay, bye.

2011-04-19T19:53:00.006+08:00

Hi Blogger Baby. Singapore is such a small country. Can't go around without people assuming things. Pretty pissed off with all these mak ciks. I'm pretty tired with all the stares that people throw at us and all the whispers that from one clan to another. Seriously, y'all know we have our own love story to handle. If you do not know the reason for us to be hanging out together then fuck off. Keep your comments to yourself and get the hell away from my life. They say that we should ignore them. I won't deny it so, that is what I'm gonna do. However if those rumours are leaked to Haqim, Imma' search for the asshole and I swear, Imma' do something to him/her.

Hi Haqim Boncet. I wanna say thank you. You've been there for me through thick and thin and I really cherished the nights we've been spending. I can't wait to overnight at your place again and I'm still thinking if I should I move in or not. However, I feel so welcome and baby, I love you. The late night talk we had. Oh my, when was the last we did that? Sec 1/2 on the phone? So far, 13 is okay. I'm pretty satisfied with what Haqim had plans for me. Thank you for making me feel special. I know that we're still as busy as in the past especially in the morning till you get home. I'm cool with it.

Not to forget I wanna thank Ellina Hunney a.k.a my one and only HELIUM BABY. I love you tons, dear. Thank you for helping me out and you've been such a dear to approach me when I'm down. Thank you, baby! And not to forget your family. Frankly, I still have this shy kind of feeling. Imma' get use to it soon. I just love going there! Meet you soon! ELLINA! ELLINA! ELLINA!

2011-04-14T19:46:00.002+08:00

I do not know if I can bear with all these shitt. Things keep getting from bad to worst in a nick of time. I'm tired of all the same fucking people who keep pissing me off. It hurts to realised that I can't actually meet to people expectations. It hurts to sacrificed what I HATE to do just to make them happy but sadly, these people can't do the same for me. It's hard to deal with all these alone. It's true I have my family, tons of friends and a loving boyfriend but they aren't the one whose feeling it. Frankly, all their advices are all the things I need to calm me down but for how long? No one knows how much pain I'm feeling. How long I've been keeping silent about almost everything about my life. I just don't think anyone could actually understand me and they can't react the same way I expect them to react. My life suck, trust me.

Seriously, I love ya'll but at the same time, you guys have been messing my love life. Well not everything but the things you say and how I acted just to defend you guys really spoiled my mood when I'm with him. I'm super tired of yelling and debating with Haqim all because of that stupid motherfucking reason. Please, I know who I am but come on' lah, what about my relationship? We're no 13 0r 15 years old whereby we have to follow all the rules. I'm freaking 17. Nothing to brag but I think I'm old enough to do what I want with Haqim as in how I want my relationship to go. We've been together for some years now and hell no am I going to just let some people end us. We fight like so so a lot but it has never stop me from losing faith in 13. I don't want to sound as though I had forgotten about myself but seriously, please I beg from all of ya. Do me a favour and let me do what me and Haqim used to do/be. I just hate that because of a misunderstanding, our relationship are being torn apart.

Happy 43rd Monthsary to THIRTEEN.

Hi babe. Why must you be so adorable? You're always on my mind. MONYET betul. ^^

2011-04-11T22:13:00.002+08:00

Hi. Currently I'm at mac with my sweet brother and Ain. Weird, I know. Well, life has been wonderful but not all good things last right? So yea, imma' treasure all the moments that I have. I'm bored and I miss haqim. Yes, you baby. I miss waking up next to ya but I fucking hate to wake you up coz you're such a stubborn ass. Still, I love you. SYF IS TOMORROW!!! I'm pretty nervous about it. It's my first year performing for such a competition. Wish me and the girls luck aye?

Life's tough but it would be harder if I do not have them. My family were the one who help me to bring the woman out of me. I just love them even though they are such a pain in the ass. I miss my bratty yet amazing lil sissie. She'd went for camp and will be back on wednesday. How sad?

2011-04-05T12:12:00.002+08:00

Greetings Ya'll. Skipped school due to migraine. This would also mean that I missed my "last-minute oral" and my malay dance practice. Dammit, we have less than 5 practice now and I've missed one. fuck it.

Life's been okay, I guess. My relationship with Haqim is okay. We almost ended it but somehow, we kind of need one another. I'm greatful that we're still together. Apart from that, I've been slacking alot. I have yet to do my revisions and I keep leaving my homework unattended. It's fucking unhealthy for me this year but I can't kick of that stupid habit. I'm so LAZY to even check up words from the dictionary. Haishh.

Seriously dude? You don't have to boast around and telling them that you have this and you have that. You don't even have to yell and tryna' expressed yourself. Bitch, you can just say it straight to my face. I can handle your criticism unlike a pussy like you. Please bitch. You think you know everything? What a joke coz you've only know one side of the story. Furthermore, I thought she meant nothing to you? We're just friends, get it.

2011-04-01T16:09:00.002+08:00

01. Hello bitches. It's the first of April and some people are trying to be a prankster for a day. Nothing hysterical happened today so you can say that this April fool is just like the other typical days. Nenek is recovering from her sick, Alhamdulillah. Life's been neutral. Life is obviously unfair. Every time I'm happy, bad things comes by and ruined it all for me. Fuck all these shitt. I hate temporary things and feelings. It sucks a lot. I sucks a lot. Dammit! Am feeling so restless plus I'm annoyed with so many cunt rags. I hope you wake up in hell.

Hi Haqim. I love you. It's tough, I won't deny. Things changed, feelings changed and so did us. We've been too busy with our own lives and we barely have a decent talk. All I could say is that I'm waiting anxiously for Friday night coz it's the day whereby we could spill out everything. I miss you, Haqim. I swear. I'm awed that you told me that you realised that we've changed and your fear was that 13 would end. It really caught my attention and I'm touched although the expressions you used weren't the kind of expressions I thought you would used. Shh baby.. You know I love you and I know you adore me too. That's all that matters, dear. As long there's effort, count me in. You're such a stubborn and irritating guy but still, you're my guy. Bye butch.

2011-03-26T15:50:00.002+08:00

26. I've just woke up from sleep. Friday night was spent in school and I went overnight at babe's. I do not want to elaborate what happened on Friday in school but apart from that, I'm glad that my mum and sissie turned up for the event. And Idah, I hope that I have answered your question of why I didn't want to give you so much freedom. I love you sissie.

Originally, the event should had ended at 9pm but it kinda stretches till 10. So, I was kind of lucky not to get a scolding from babe for being late. So yea, went overnight at 148. Although I was super tired and all I wanna do is sleep when I first enter the house, I kept pushing myself till we actually get the chance to talk about us. Overall, we didn't get the chance to talk. However, I have a strong feeling that we're close to talking about us soon; tomorrow. Gonna drop myself at Yishun and babe is willing to accompany me study. The plan was to go bowling with him coz I was craving to bowl but because of something, I don't think we're going there. But he still wanna, so , I don't know lah. Gonna re-plan with baby after his shift or training.

Currently, I'm waiting for sissie to get back home from her soccer training. I am also waiting for our outing with mum. She's craving for satay and maybe after that go town with her. I don't know but today, Imma' give her all my attention which means no handphone till I reached home.

2011-03-22T22:04:00.002+08:00

22. Hi. This is gonna be a short post. Maybe. We'll see. Lappy is being slow today so am I. Nothing much. Adam Khoo's tomorrow till Friday. Over night at babe's on Friday and he promised that we're gonna try to work it out. I on the other hand do not think we will have the talk coz it has been weeks till we actually really spend time. He's been sick and I've been busy with my things. Even when I'm at his place, we won't talk about the important stuffs so, it;s kinda irritating. However, so far, 13 is neutral. I hope things gets better soon. Get well soon, Haqim.

And Haqim, if you were to drop by here. I hate you but I love you more. F- ^^

2011-03-20T13:37:00.003+08:00

20. I'm currently at mac and i'm super pissed. I tried to connect my laptop to the internet but it keeps failing. Nevertheless, I will keep on trying. Living under mum is kinda boring. Well, not boring to be exact coz mum is still in KL. Living under her roof is pathetic. I feel so desperate coz I really need my own space but I can't have it. Fuck right? We were told that we're gonna live at mum's for around 2-3 weeks. For the mean time, imma' continue going to school and for every friday, imma' chill with my friends and sleep at babe's. I miss my home already but what more can I do. Living with mum won't be that bad right. I still have my grandparents and my bratty little sister.

This march holiday wasn't the holiday I expected it to be. My picture of this holiday was to spend my time equally on both studies and my time with loved ones but instead, I didn't spend much on both things. I didn't put much effort on any subjects although i've planned to do as much revisions as I could. The only time I had fun with was with my friends, celebrating the March babies. Even that didn't start well coz of my personal problem. I didn't get to spend a single day with love at all. The only time when we met was when we exchanged house while he was moving his things and I was moving mine. Atleast there was a hug and a kiss. I miss you babe. My family members are too busy with their own things. Just look at my mum. Heart aching. I don't really know what else to do but I will just chill and keep hoping for the best to come. Coz they say that good things come to those who are patience. So fucking yea, imma' wait.

Things aren't going well and we both know that it's getting worst. You told me you knew that I had been acting strange towards you and that we should have the talk. I'll just count the day till we meet coz both of us are too busy with our lives. I hope you're doing okay there and that you miss me as much as I miss you. Boy, I love you so much to be ignored. With me living here, it's gonna be hard to even have a five minutes talk without worrying about the time. I'll think of some ways to get us back in track kay.

2011-03-16T17:16:00.002+08:00

All this time I was wasting,
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down
And it's taken me long baby
But I figured you out
And you think it would be fine again
But not this time around.

Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waitin' in the cold.

You had me crawling for you honey
And it never would have gone away, no
You used to shine so bright,
But I watched all of it fade.

Cause it seems to me
This thing is breaking down
We almost never speak
I don't feel welcome anymore
Baby what happened
Please tell me cause one second it was perfect
Now you're halfway out the door

Was I out of line? Did I say something way to honest?
Made you run and hide like a scared little boy
I looked into your eyes, thought I knew you for a minute
Now I'm not so sure

I'm sick and tired of your reasons
I got no one to believe in
You tell me that you want me then push me around
And I need you like a heartbeat
But you know you got a mean streak
That makes me run for cover when you're around
Here's to you and your temper

Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses, and I left them to die

Then I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing form the passenger side
And realised I loved you in the fall

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile
so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thingking
Probably mindless dreaming

2011-03-15T16:32:00.002+08:00

15. Nothing has changed. Lack of communication, lack of understandings and lack of appreciation. I just wanna be alone and cry all night. Noone cares, even you. You can't even handle me when I was sad and just hung up the phone coz you were pissed that I took a long time to calm myself down before telling ya. If you're not planning to stay, tell me. Coz I'm tired of having false hopes about us. I know thing will get worst if you happen to drop by here. I know noone can change ya. I'm jus sad that I can't be the reason for you to change. Not even for us. I guess, you're happy with the way you are. Thank you for everything.

I feel like withdrawing from this Rp. Call me a loser but I just don't know how to play your game. Have fun playing it alone.

2011-03-14T12:26:00.003+08:00

I know this might sound stupid but I simply can't get the hell outta from here. I'm lock inside my house. The key is with my grandparents and they had left for JB hours ago. I'm already 30 minutes late for my malay dance and i'm feeling pretty pissed off with it. At the same time, I find it quite childish and funny. Haha. I mean, i've went to I twitter to tweet about it and now blog. Thought of put this as my status but i'm too lazy to go to many sites with this damn phone. So here I am. . Blogging my second post of the day and hoping that my grandparents come back home quickly or atleast an hour before my practice ended. Please oh please.

And BTW, I am madly in love with Justin Bieber. I kept typing that my grandparents went JB and justin's initials are also the same. Hehee. I love ya, hotstuff.

2011-03-14T08:08:00.006+08:00

14. HAPPY 42ND MONTH AND 1 DAY TO 13TH. I FUCKING LOVE YOU, BONCH-STUFF! IMMA' LOVE YOU LIKE NO OTHER.

Kinda waiting for the time to pass. It's the start of the March holiday and fuck it, I have to go to school for Malay coaching followed by Malay Dance. I'm okay with the dance practice but I'm pretty pissed off with Malay coaching. I know it's for the best but fuck it lah. I just can't find a reason for me to like that disgusting subject. Moreover, I just got to know it last night. So yea..

Life's been same old same old. Nothing seems to chane one bit except that I know thins will get worst. Babe and his family will be staying at our house and my family and I will be moving to my mum's crib which is at Bendemeer. I don't find any wrong or difficulties for me to be staying there. I know I will have to wake up super early for school or whatever shitt but I am much more concern about babe. By him staying here, it would mean that he would have more time with them. Imma' tell you straight, I fucking hate the thought of being second best. I hope my expectations won't meet coz if it does come in reality, I would be pretty depressed with ya.

I'm not gonna lie but I know that there will be changes and I know that I won't like it one bit. I hope staying at mum's would be a temporary thing coz I have tons of reasons why I hate that place. I love my mum, it's the place that spoils it. On second thought, I could go down to Mac to study alone. People have been nagging at me thanks to my common test results. One word; Shitty. I hope this change is for the better coz I don't like changes. I fucking hate it.

2011-03-12T19:01:00.006+08:00

_I_ Only JB baby, understands. ^^

12. I swear, my day just got the worst of it. I fucking hate my life. How I wish I could let go of everything and be mentally ill. I fucking hate the thought of me having/ forced to be nice to people when they, in return treat me like one motherfucking shitt. I'm pissed. Wait! Far beyond that! I hate how my life could turn upside down in a nick of time. I hate how everyone keep forgetting me, especially for what I've done for them. I hate how people would want the very best out of me when I don't fucking want to do it! All these criticism are for me to push me to do better? I strongly disagree with that shitty statement! Criticism won't make me want to go far, it will just makes me feel stupid. By criticizing me, it means you care? Fuck that shitt, how would that show me that you actually give a damn? Are you plain stupid or are you from Opposite-ville? After all that had happened, you left us? I can't believe that people like you still exist in this biased world.

Life is unfair, everything is unfair! Wait, wait! It's fucking fair! One by one people are giving me the same treatment. So yea, it's fair right? Everyone has a pieced of my shattered heart? Fuck you guys. I hope you burnt in hell with all your cunt attitude! Stop putting a nice act in front of me. Dammit, you should actually went for the Oscars since you're one of the best actress/ actors that I have ever met. I hate you all. I can't believed I was too blind to see all these shitt that was coming in my way. You guys fooled me very well. Good for you! Aren't you happy for what you've done to me? My struggle brings you joy huh? _I_ bitch!

Then there's you! You don't really want me here right? My existence annoys you. You have your buds, you're everything. Me? I'm not much of a person to you. Truthfully, I think I'm done with you. I might had ran after ya, pleaded ya but I'm done playing this game. I'm withdrawing from this shitt. I just hate everyone right now!

2011-03-09T20:19:00.002+08:00

09. That particular scene kept replaying inside my head. I can't even remember what was the main reason for our fussiness. It was one of the most disastrous arguement that we had ever experienced. It was also one of my wake up call to alarmed me about how I have been acting towards you. Though, vulgar words and harshful treatments were used, I still begged for more. We were really annoyed with one another that we ignored the real aim for our meet up, and that was to spend the best of our time wisely. With you coming back and forth from sch/ home to meet me. The maximum hours for us to have the blast was around 2h30minutes. We were too stubborn to see what we've grown into. Our morale values, characterisation and sense of urgency ; all gone. It's been hard to actually deal with this and it gets harder as each day pass. I miss us so much. When will this end? I hope soon coz, we're losing a large amount of time trying to hear whose has the louder voice than to actually share some laughter. I wish I could turn back the time and change it all. Telling myself that this would be the last time I would get hurt would be stupid coz what kind of relationship would that be. I love arguing with ya but I hate when either one of us, gave up. To cut the story short, I love you

2011-03-04T19:53:00.002+08:00

03. My life is in a mess. Only God knows how many obstacles he have for me. How many challenges I must deal with and how everything will be paid off one day. I would be called a liar if I were to say that everything's alright coz everything seems to be from bad to worst. I know who I am to each one of you. And when I say, enough is enough. Jolly well you get it coz I mean it. I'm basically at the bottom of the roller coaster. I won't say that it's weird to have split personalities coz I have tons of personalities towards different people. To my family, Boyf, friends and to some of those bad-ass motherfuckers out there. Now then I realised that I strongly believe in karma. Everytime I think about all these shitt, my mind will whisper, "It may rain today but it won't rain forever. " No one has guarantee that life is gonna be easy. Giving up to this cruel world is the last thing that I would do. Nothing seems to be going as planned and it's pretty depressing to see that one by one, people are tyring to pull you down. I'm not gonna be all fussy and seek revenge. I'm just gonna wait for karma to do it's work and see how your life trembles down as I watch you crawling and struggling for your last breath. Use me as you will but do bare in mind that one day, you're gonna get the exact treatment that you gave. Keep me anticipating for it kay?

What would I be if I were to just let you go? You were the best thing that ever happened to me and I had never plan to end this relationship. When everything pulls me down, you're laugh is the only thing that could change it all and I love you for that. I know it's hard and this is just the begining. It's gonna be a long journey for us but I can assure you that everyseconds of it would be worthwhile. We both have our own problems for us to carry with us. Let's lose the weight and forget about the world coz you know everything doesn't matter when there's you and me. I love you, Haqim.

2011-03-01T18:14:00.003+08:00

01. It's a fresh new month and today mark the last day of common test 1 '11. Was feeling pretty depressed as I know I did super badly for my paper especially for that pathetic POA subject that I can't seem to pass. hmm.. very well then. Had my math re-test and I scored 13/25. Dammit. Gonna take the same paper tomorrow. Like Fuck sia.. And probably, we will be receiving back our papers tomorrow. I'm anticipating for my chem results as I really wanna know where I stand and that I had put a lot of fucking effort on it )': Oh well, we'll see.

Met babe yesterday. Haqim had planned not to do any meet ups for a week but he changed his mind yesterday and told me that he wanna meet me on Thursday^^

[27/02/11]
Went out on a date with Haqim. It was a bit awkward as I don't usually wear long pants when I go out unless I just feel like it. Low self-esteem. However, my outfit on Sunday was followed by what he wanted me to wear and that was; My pink T-shirt, long jeans and sneakers. I wasn't really happy with it as I'm not a fan of T-shirts and especially Jeans when I'm out to town or anywhere outside Yishun. BUT... I really like the time I had with babe and we laughed our hearts out. We dropped ourselves at AMK to get back our engraved rings^^ and then off to Bugis followed by M.Barrage. It was a blast! Thank you baby! Next off, swimming. Nak? hehee. Best I Ever Had.

Bitch took my jacket which was given by Haqim. Thanks bitch for the fucking blame that I had to dealt with. Fuck You upside down sia. I fucking hate your fucking guts. I fucking hate how unhappy we family are and I'm fucking pissed off with everything that has to do with that. You're just a piece of FUCKTARD.

2011-02-26T13:30:00.002+08:00

26. It's Saturday. Just the day that I need. Four more papers to go; (S.S + Malay) Monday and (Physics +POA) Tuesday. Should be studying but I'm too lazy to start on it. Nothing much had happened in school except that the students there are being more and more stuck up. Apart from that, nothing.

I've been feeling so moody for the past few days. I got irritated easily and I've been harsh towards this someone. I don't know why but your existance makes me wanna pound you. In addition to this mood swing is that bitch in this house. I fucking hate your guts, so screw the hell out of here. Plus this dude. Dammit, your over mid 40+, get a life. If you don't want to contribute on anything, then jolly well fuck off from this place and get your own place of living. You're just lucky that I'm not as old as you or else I would have chase you out from here. Everyday's topic has all been about that and I'm getting tired of listening to it. The damn same topic, I tell ya! Fuck everything! I just hope that one day, the only people live in this house will ONLY be FOUR of us and no one else. I'm tired of seeing him working hard to get everything in tiptop shape. I'm tired of seeing her trying to make me and sis happy though I can see pain in her eyes. I fucking hate that useless douchebag plus that bitch!

I hope tomorrow date with babe will change this all.

2011-02-19T21:15:00.002+08:00

19. Currently, I am just lying on my sofa blogging by phone and let the tv as my company. Originally, the plan for today was to get all my homework done before I could call it a day but sadly, i've been rotting since my eyes were open. On the other hand, I am recovering quite quickly and I am pretty satisfied with my condition now. No moro block-nose or whatsoever. I've been tweeting pretty much like every 5 minutes to relieved boredom. For instance, now. I'm waiting for the clock to strike 2330 for babe to call. I feel so dejected since the day before. We dropped ourselves at AMK to exchange my ring at couple lab but fuck it. Was pretty depressed ever since but oh well. It's okay. Still babe wanted to send for engraves.

I lie, I cheat, I gossip. I'll find some people annoying and I tend to developed grudges easily and yes, I do for some particular people. I'm heartless and I like it that way unlike you with your fake skanks. I'm pretty tired of you bragging about your lonely and insecure life coz you don't appreciate what you're blessed with. So, hell with ya. I don't see you as friends. So goodbye.

2011-02-16T14:01:00.003+08:00

We look so young back then. haha.

16. Three weeks straight; Three days per week to school. For this week, I am seriously sick. Went to see the doctor with V.Boy and was given m.c. I'm not much of a storyteller nowadays. I have nothing much to tell. I want to go out with my peeps like so bad. I miss wearing nice clothes. I miss the rush when I only had a few minutes to dolled up. I miss meeting taking pictures and wasting my money on stupid things. Gaaaaaa.. I even miss going out with V.Boy. We might be going out on 26th but with his job on his hand, I'm not so sure about it.

Everything with V.Boy is great. It gets better and better. I miss you more and more. Everytime, I look at you, it feels like as though it's the first time.

This year has really changed a lot. Friendships are being tested and it's breaking us apart. It really sucks. We used to be so closed and act as one but how about now? Sometimes, I could even see groups in each corner of the classroom. It sux to see all these. I just miss the way things were. I used to have a best-guyfriend but what happened to us? I used to see us sitting together at the center and share stories especially, ghost stories. Dammit. I hope this is just like those temporary things. I love you guys so much.

2011-02-13T23:22:00.002+08:00

I'm sleepy plus i'm missing Haqim right now. I love ya so much. Wednesday, please come faster. I wanna meet my boyfriend like asap): I feel like as though this feeling was just the same when we were both in sec 1.

Vanilla icings. Haha. I love you.

2011-02-11T19:47:00.002+08:00

11. Gave school a miss again. I know, i'm such a horrible person but I have my own reason and besides, it was a valid reason. Spent the whole day at home with babe. Epic-movie marathon. Well, it was only two movies. Apart from that, I finally had the new fillet burger. Weeeeee. . I miss haqim already): haiyoo. . And guess what? I did not touch any poa worksheet this whole week. Haha. I did not attend and poa lessons. Currently, i'm waiting anxiously for my dearest mum to reply my text message. We planned to go out this sunday. However, she's too busy to confirm it with me. Haiyoo. . On the other hand, haqim invited me to spend on sunday to celebrate his mother's birthday. So, I don't really know which one to go. Hmm. . Or should I just stay at home and do some catch up time with sis and my grandparents plus do some revisions? Dammit. We'll see. Not to forget, sunday is our 41st monthsary.

In case we are too busy with our things, I just wanna wish us happy 41st monthsary in advance. I love you so much haqim. Your ego drives me crazy sometimes, I think your laugh is a disease and I hate how you would make me feel so stupid inside. However, I love you with all my heart and you are the best. " I think of you everytime babe". Boy, you make me want you more.

xoxo
13

2011-02-09T11:16:00.003+08:00

09. Skipped school coz I was too too tired to wake up. Everything seems to be as per normal accept for my finger )': I hope it will heal soon coz it really hurts a lot. Nothing much to post actually. I am anticipating for this weekend with my family. It's either a picnic or town.

05022011
I am officially 17. Nothing to bragged about. This year's birthday was the most outstanding from the rest. It was pretty much unique from various groups of people I know. I'm so blessed to get to know all of them and I love them. Thank you, you guys(:

MAC CREW;
From Jojo to Ikah to the rest. It was superb. It was already midnight and me and my grandparents were about to leave. That's when a birthday song came. I was smiling and laughing at the same time. Before leaving, as usual, I would talk to Jojo. It was a serious surprised when out of nowhere, Azim brought in a homemade custard pie from the entrance and everyone was singing the birthday song to me. Dammit, it was really unexpected.

K.K + GFs = Best friends;
It was pretty much the worst week for me due for some reasons. Me and Ayu were having some misunderstandings and we didn't talk that much since the CNY performance. In the morning around 9+, I met up with Nani as she claimed that she wanna "skipped her madrasah" and wanted to have breakfast with me. As we got down the lift, I saw most of my friends with a heart shape balloons each and singing to me. We found a spot and sat down. While I was busy arranging the words to the heart shape balloons. Ayu came from behind with a white box and again.. They sang me the birthday song. The box was filled with pink icing cupcakes and it was delicious. It's pink and it's sweet. It was perfect. It even had my name on it. Thank you so much! I love ya'll!

Boyfriend;
Sadly, I was not able to meet baby on my birthday but... We met on the next day which was on 0602. I thought of meeting baby at Mac since I had promised twinnie to pass her a CD but babe insisted that we meet up first at my house. It was 1515+ when babe was already at the doorsteps. I opened the door and to my dismay, he was holding a white + pink heartshape cake and singing me a birthday song. It was so sweet. Within minutes, we cut the cake and filled our bellies with it. Suddenly, babe called me to go outside with him. I was petrified at first as usually, we only go out to talk when we need to talk about something serious. When we were talking he hugged me and out of nowhere a rose popped out. I was dumb enough to not notice that the rose can somehow open. When I flipped the rose open, there it was, a ring from Couple Lab! I jumped for joy as that was what we had been planning to buy since Sec 3. It was unbelievable. After the surprises, we dropped ourselves at LSR to take a stroll and feel the air smoothly playing with our hair. It was a blast. I love you so much Haqim!

And also! Thank you to Irza for the sweet cookie(: thank you, many-many.

That was it. Pictures were uploaded by Nani at facebook. The rest will be uploaded here maybe in the upcoming post.

2011-02-05T14:46:00.002+08:00

Dude, you are so awesome. I must had been a fool and I think that I am still fucking stupid enough for falling for such craps. Dammit you man whore. I fucking hate you bitch! Do me a favour and fuck yourself. No wonder they were acting so cold towards you and guess what? You deserved it. And guess what? I lied. Yes, I fucking lied. You scratch my back, I scratch yours.

p/s I love my one and only boyfriend. Abdul Haqim Bin Nasirun, I, Nur Quraisha Bte Mohd Fauzy, rindu u. Can't wait for Sunday date with ya!

Happy Birthday to me! *Syiok sendiri* I'll post about my birthday on the next day.

2011-02-04T09:20:00.006+08:00

04. I just had the most confusing dream. It was hillarious yet a fearful one. Woke up pretty early at the same time with sis. My grandparents had just left to buy us a breakfast each. Thank you! I hope today will be a good day. I've been having some terrible moodswings and probably till now. Fuck it. I've been ignoring some text messages, rejected some calls and yea.. I simply just hate everyone.

03.The picnic date with babe was one of the best. I love it so much. Love came around 1030+. He kept watching "Ngangkong" while I was busy in the kitchen. Furthermore, the weather at that time was not that great so we waited till 1300 to leave. Took a cab to Sembawang Park and to our astonishment, it was really packed with many people! Friends and relatives all were fishing + picnic + tents everywhere. Gosh, I felt so jealous. We took a stroll at the park and talk non-stop. There were also some entertainers too. There were a group of Bangles which were wrestling at the beach and they attracted almost everyone there. People were lining up to see them wrestling. We laughed hard and were being silly. I just love the way he made me smiled. Around 1800, we had to make our way out. Took the bus and drop ourselves to take another bus but babe was too unpatient to wait and so, we took a cab to my place. After our last hugs and kisses for that day, he left to be with his friends. Thank you love. I love you so much Abdul Haqim!

Today will be a different day for me. I really want my weekends to be superb so I am going to do a hardcore study by myself. Probably meeting twinnie at mac. Let's just see. I'm lookng forward to meet Haqim on Sunday): As in, in a sad way. He wanted to have a serious talk and I do not have a single clue to what kind of topic will he be bringing up. Dammit, I hope nothing serious.

Don't think that I don't know coz I've seen how you roll. Be a bitch all that you want coz I don't give a fucking damn about you and your shitty clan. Coz one day when eveything is over, the person crying won't be me, it would be you. So have fun, bitch-talk about me, I'm not gonna let a slutty whore stopping me from my way to succeed. okay? (: And by the way, you're a W H O R E.

2011-02-02T12:35:00.003+08:00

02. I am feeling pretty pissed off with today. Morning was great but it slowly turned ugly by the afternoon. Let's see how the day will go on. Changed my blogskin and went with a simpler one. Nothing much had happened except for the fact that I had been busy with various things and before you could realised it, another week had left. See how the time flies so fast. I feel so emo right now. .

Fucking+Ugly= FUGLY--> You.

2011-01-28T20:05:00.002+08:00

28. TGIF! Went to school for just two hours. How pathetic right? I have been skipping my home revisions for the past two days. I hope to catch up as much as possible. The plan was a success and I hope GF liked it. We love you so much okay, pantat! Here is my wish to you:

Happy Sexy Seventeen in advance NurFairus Bte Basheer. Another has passed and now you are all grown up and "sexy". Hehee. May all your wishes comes true and I hope you will get your dream course after our major exams aye? I love you so much babe! Aren't you proud that we surprised you with a two-layer cake? You want it so badly right? haha. And not to forget the big card that we made for you. Cheers!

Haqim ditched me but I'm completely okay with it. I do not know when is our next meeting but I hope it will be soon coz I miss him like effing much! I really wanna go out. Can we go to the zoo? ): or a simple picnic at East Coast? haishh..

2011-01-21T11:09:00.003+08:00

21. Gave school a missed due to laziness. I know that was a stupid reason for not attending school but I just don't feel like it. I have been sleeping so late lately due to tons of homeworks and a quick recap of revisions. Hopefully this would be the last of my bad habit. Woke up around 10am and received three text messages from some people and a miss-call. Haha. I've got three homeworks in my hand and that homework must be completed before 5pm as I want to go out and study with Friday Peeps later. And by night, we could have our fun and watch a CD. Currently I'm all alone with my beloved grandmother. She's so cute and I love her dearly. haha. Everyone loves their grandmother and how cute they can be. I miss my sister so badly. She's been having late trainings and study groups that we barely had some conversations to start on with. I want to plan an outing with her. My other nonsensical sister's birthday is in two more days. I do not know if I should buy her a cake or not. I know I might sound selfish but you guys don't even know her and what she had caused this family. I don't know.. Shall talk about this soon. School is so stupid nowadays. I seriously hate the thumb-print thing. It's stupid and it is such a waste of time. People keep queing to scan their thumbprints and it will take some time for us to be accessed in. Seriously, such a waste of money. Others than that, I have lost some interest for my CCA. I shall not elaborate much of it but some girls would know why. Please treat every practice as your last practice before SYF.

I know everything is back to normal and I do not want to sound as though I'm picking up a fight. However, I can still feel the absence in my heart. Whether you like it or not, I just feel that you had changed. I don't know.. It's either you or me. I just felt a little neglected when you keep talking about your friends and how they mean so much to you. I'm happy for you, trully I am but I don't know, I feel a bit unsure about it. I don't think you will find any point to this but I just want you to hear me out, okay? I love you bonc. I just feel something is missing.

2011-01-19T16:59:00.002+08:00

Life suckx. I do not know why but I'm feeling so pissed off with a great bunch of idiots out there. It had also occured to me that I find myself feeling like as though I am being taken advantage of. I have been messing with my own feelings and I find that my heart has been vunerable towards some. Trying to be tough when I know myself that I am weak. There's no one else that could really understands you. I'm losing some love as day passed on. I felt neglected when you weren't around and even if you were physically there, you were not the person that I was expecting of. It hurts but the only thing I could say to myself is to just suck it up. This could be the worst year ever. Everyone had gone to their seperate ways and it seems that I am the only person stuck with my head held high. That stupid faith of mind and this stupid heart keeps demanding me to stay and wait. It really suckx to actually realised that the only person you could rely on would not be the right kind of person to share it with. It might be regards to their hot temper of reactions towards a situation or it would be just a waste of time to them. I'm giving up to mostly all of my hopes; studies, relationships, my future. I guess nothing right will come my way. Not now, not later or nor wdill it come in the future. I keep getting pissed with the same people and also for the same reason. You people are driving me insane, do you know that? I am done with mostly everything that I thought would be my everything. I'm tired of all these late night tears, aching heart-pounding moments. You have won, I surrender. That is just it. Let me be alone, be all to myself and be without anyone of jerks. I do not know how you guys did it but you really got me feeling depressed. Suckx some dick you motherfuckers! I swear, when one day if I trully had founf my happiness, none of you will be remembered. For now, I'm yearning for some disappoinment.

2011-01-13T19:18:00.003+08:00

-ILYSM & IMY)':

13. Changed my mind, I do not know how to start a Malay post. Morning was great though I have to admit that today's lesson were draggy. I kept yawning and found myself asleep for some of the lessons. Skipped coaching for photograpy in the ITr. After all that were done, went for practice. I am happy to say that the results for the dance has improved. Sadly, my day does not end with a happy ending. It gets worst and I do not know if I could ever stand it anymore. You're just another typical big fat J E R K. You and your head. You and your emotions. You and your mind. I don't find there's any point to it anymore. You can't see my point of view and it fucking hurt big time. I'm torn, my heart sank, tears flowing down without any pauses. There's no 'I' in a TEAM. After all the droplets that has dried up, the only responds I could give you is a long sigh. A sad sigh it is. Maybe this is the sign for us to actually realised if this is worth of fighting for. This is supposed to be a memorably year for us and I will not stop having faith for it. No one can ever change that. Every special day was supposed to be spent with joy but the starting of it... I do not know what kind of adjectives should I use to describe for it. fuck this shitt.

Happy 40th;

Till when will this keep repeating? I can't hold on to it any longer. I'm tired of this playbacks.

2011-01-11T19:39:00.002+08:00

11. First remedial and it was maths. I'm getting pissed off with some people lately and I had been so disappointed in me almost everyday. I'm trying to live my life happily but it seems that nothing better comes my way. My grade for Malay was like a piece of shitt. I can't seem to be succeeding in that subject. O level result was like a wake up call which actually pulls my confidence down. I do not know if I could handle this year with all the studies/family/relationships. I know that I have set a goal for me to achieved but the thought of being in the hall, alone with the paper in my hand will just screw things up. I really want to pass so badly and I know I should start in it as soon as possible. This is year is gonna be an important year for me and I won't let people get the hold out of me. All I want to achieved is be the biggest jerk. In directly saying, I do not want to think about people's feelings as it would definitely interfere with my concentration on my studies. My blog will be in Malay Language for the next post. I really want to improve on it.

Your new year resolution was not to get mad for smallest thing but it seems that you can't even hold it for even a month. I won't say that I'm disappointed coz we both know where it would lead us. Or better yet, it will lead you in such temper. Dude, I love you but if your ego is too big for me to handle. It would also mean that my hopes for your changes will stop. Actions Speaks Louder Than Words. I'm getting tired of it and yet you never knew when to stop, don't you?

2011-01-08T11:47:00.004+08:00

I miss my long straight hair)':

08. Woke up pretty late around 11am and called love. Atlast, it's Saturday. Though it's the first week of my weekend, I still have loads of things to do. I'm giving myself a ten minute to actually update my blog and then, I'm off to do some research for my S.S. School had totally changed for me. I can feel the preassure and the fucking tiredness. This whole week, I was only allowed to meet love once due to Malay Dance practice)': I hope you come across this post coz, I REALLY MISS YOU ABDUL HAQIM!!! I'm kind of jealous seeing other couples being so lovey dovey towards others. Especially in the canteen. Mak kau, minta kene lempang): I'm so used to seeing love in school and spending most of my time with him. Blogger is being a bitch right now. CB. I've been using vulgarities in most of my conversations, I think I should cut it down. haha.

On the other hand, my life has been neutral. I'm kinda pissed off at my brother. Dude, I love you and all but you're like so inconsiderate towards others. Try to put yourself in our shoes.

AHBN, I miss you so much.

2010-12-30T21:58:00.003+08:00

30. Wahh.. Tomorrow is going to be the last day of 2010. I find it so fast. 2010 was indeed a splendid year. Though there were some rough parts but afterall, that's life. 2010 was the last year of my sec 4 lives and gosh, next year is going to be a hectic one. All I want for next year is a lack of misunderstandings with baby, not much tense my family and I really want to have the bestest year with my bestest + most awesome classmates; going to be Sec 5NA. I can't wait for next year, so bring it on.

I have not been posting much due to laziness, or maybe it's because I don't have much new to post. So far, there weren't much outings. Accompanied baby to shop at MOC/ abg's working place to buy him some new clothes. Cute! He a wore pink T-shirt and bought a pink shirt because I like guys wearing pink. haha. PINK! PINK! PINK! We were there for about two hours and we wanted to go to Handerson Waves because I have been craving to go there for almost a year now but too bad. We were like a contestants from the Amazing Race. Searching the bus info-thingy for what bus to take us there. It was pathetic! So in the end, we headed to my place, get my tent and headed to Sembawang Park to chill our mind.

Today's Malay Dance practice was okay. It was kind of not as worse as the first one. Though I was having serious cramps like everywhere, I turned up for this one. Suddenly felt serious and more passionate for dancing. Idk lahh. haha. Today was supposed to be our so called "Malay Dance Outing." After several of planning, we wended up wanting to go LSR but not many could turned up. So sorry to Sakinah and Rifqah. So instead, me and Ayu asked the Friday peeps. And yes, all of us went except for Nani. BUT again... It was damn boring so we got home and took our swimming suites with us and went to the Yishun complex except for Rusydi who went home straight. It was fun but it would be merrier if more people were to joined us.

My planning for tomorrow will be to spend my day with love, maybe get my physics+ s.s done and by night, head to Khatib with friends just to watch the fireworks. Saturday's plan has not yet confirmed. Maybe a day at East Coast with K.K and renting the Roller Blades. haha. Insyaallah.

I miss you so much and I realised we have not talk much. I know, it's because nothing much happened due to the holidays. Remember what you've promised me for next year? Please don't break it coz I really need you. I love you so much Abdul Haqim!

2010-12-16T22:43:00.002+08:00

16. It wasn't long until everything turned wrong. Again. I do not understand why can't we end the day like how we started it. I'm so fucking pissed off and again, you really did it with your words. Though your intentions were good, your words kills me. I seriously hate this. I am freaking tired and I was all boiled up. The more I want to get to you, the more I feel like you're pushing me away. You got me and then you broke me. I hate what you've turned into. You never failed to disappoint me and I keep finding myself guilty. I swear, if this is what you want then I shall make some changes to it. I can't keep myself calm but feel so angry and confuse. Rp Sux!

2010-12-14T14:22:00.002+08:00

14. For once, everything went perfectly but what's on my mind right now, till when? Let's just say, I want to cherish the happy time I still have. Currently, the time is 1432. Woke up pretty late and I'm all alone at home. Babe had left for work and sis had left for her training. My plans for tomorrow will be with my ex-A.I friends. I can't wait for the plan. I'm anxiously looking forward for Thursday and Friday to be spending time with Haqim and I do not know why.

13. Happy monthsary babe. We both know that it was a boring date. However, the jokes and our long long chat was all that matters. We had no plan so we jumped off from one station to another and then we decided to dropped ourselves at Tampinese to catch a movie. It was no surprise that the movie was also a boring one. Along our bus journey home, for the first time we actually shared a ear piece and listen to musics from my phone. The best part was, we acted so childish. Especially you singing to your favourite song; DJ got us falling inlove again. I love it all baby. Thank you.

2010-12-11T21:32:00.002+08:00

11. So many things have been the caused for my downpour. However, I am glad to see some people to actually showed more concern for me. Some were the people who had always been there, some were the people who I never thought would even remember me by now and some who knows my critical moment but instead of talking about it, they were the one who joke with me all day long. Thank you to all. Though things have not yet to make any difference, life still must go on. I find it not healthy to pull all my anger and just keep it, to combine everything. I don't know. I look so stupid to even try. I'm so pissed off with myself. What have you become, Sha. 2011 is just around the corner, I just want a happier life next year but I don't think it will. Every year seems to be harder and harder. Sec 2 was neutral, Sec 3 was a bit challenging, this year was the worst. My birthday, my .... Well, mostly on every special day of mine. I don't trust on birthdays anymore, I don't see the point of celebrating it. I don't see the point of celebrating on anything. For example, Hari Raya. It was the bombz for a day and then we continue to go our separate ways. It really sux to have high expectations for something and therefore, I have learnt my lesson. Expectations will only bring disappointment. Life's been hard but I'm livin' it like it's the last. I'm glad to have my sister by my side though we don't talk much. I've realised that I'd prefer to just joke around than just talk. Talking would mean; me getting my emotions tied to me while I'm telling it and it sux to hear your voice suddenly changed plus your eyes reddened. Then, there comes the joke. Whereby you forget about the pain and laugh all day long. No fake laughs especially when it comes to my sis and I love her for that and not to mention my friends.

I don't know when to break it up to ya. I'm okay but I find myself guilty not to be true to myself.

2010-12-08T23:56:00.007+08:00

08. Dude, I'm done with ya. I won't tell you when but I'm leaving. I just can't take it anymore. You were never there. . Wait.. You were.. You were the caused of it. I'm tired of all these craps. People don't appreciates me anymore and I don't think I'm needed anywhere. Not you, not you, not you, not you. No one needs me. They used me, they toyed with me and left me just like that. Though tears are rolling and I'm crying as loud as I could, you never seem to take note on anything. All these are acting to you. I guess being an actress for my future career means the present career for you huh? I'm sick of you not taking me seriously. I'm tired of people playing with my feelings and I'm super irritated when it comes to you. I guess as days goes by, I don't see you like I usually would see. I don't see those lights behind you when you walk towards me. I don't see those fireworks anymore. I don't see anything in you.You never fail to hurt me with your criticism and I let you do you job. Maybe this is it. I have a strong feeling that I would be abused in the days that are coming. I swear, I have enough of people not caring for me. I can't even remember who was the last person who ever really sit next to me, gives me a hug and ask if I'm okay. I'm really sad/ depressed to realised that nothing right comes in my way. I'm sick of being there for people but they won't do the same for me. It's so tiring when the only person who I yearned for to be the only person to make me okay was the one who caused all this shitt. I don't find myself unappreciated, I find myself stupid for trusting you. Trusting everyone that they won't hurt me physically and mentally. One day, you'll see the girl you had been pushing around will be the one who would stomp you first. Yes, I'm talking about revenge. I have to move on with my life. You were only there for a few moments but still, you left a huge scar in my heart. I will never forgive you nor will I ever treat you the same way, ever again! You're a heartless bitch and a jerk.

Butch, I don't know what's up with you. I love you but I just can't handle this anymore. You always get everything you want. When will it be my turn? Or better yet, When will it be our turn? Telling you will only makes things worst. I rather talk to myself than talking to someone who is so ignorant. I'm tired of all the things I have to faced when it was actually supposed to be us facing this battle together. Yes, I don't really always tell you of how I feel coz every time I tell you about my feelings, we would always end up fighting. I'm tired of faking a smile or playing those old laughing record. You will never see the truth in my eyes. I don't think you will ever notice me like you would usually do. I'm sorry but I am sick of things being repeated countless of times. My existence is a waste of your time.

I've been so emo for the past two days and nothing seems to be alright. I got to know a lot of things, get to see peoples' true colours and I learnt that I can't trust people so easily. The most hating part is that, everything happened so fast. I wish I was still six year old when my only fear was getting my school uniform dirty/ yelling in class/ stepping my teacher's foot/ pushing my sister. I guess I've stopped believing in everything. So this is where my new lesson starts. So be it. Don't worry about me coz I'm done worrying about ya'll. I have enough of people treating me like a charity.

I need a friend. Someone who could make me forget about my problems. And I guess, I have yet to find this person. Goodbye to all.

2010-12-07T22:45:00.003+08:00

ON SECOND THOUGHT, IT JUST GOT WORST. It was horrible. I hate myself for believing that "saying sorry so everything will be okay" shitt. NO! IT'S NOT! I do not know how much longer I can deal all the bullshit coz I have had enough of it. I'm not saying because I want to be known as always RIGHT, but hey!, I do own some feelings. You're a human, then how about me? Am I your mat? I don't care whatever shitt you're going to do after reading this or whatsoever. Nothing will be the same! You're too stubborn to listen to anyone. STUBBORN, I say! The whole world does not revolves around you! You need two people to get this work! You told me you wanna be independent?! SO AM I! You compliment me about the things I've done after all the disastrous things I went through but it seems that I have yet to fight for more. Say whatever you want, tell me I've changed. Just say it okay, coz whatever that has been typed here really cool me down. You wanted me too chill, SO THIS IS MY WAY! It was stupid how my mind has always been about you and how I don't need anyone else. I finally learn what's the meaning of regret. I should have not trusted you, YOU WERE A FAKE! You and your fabricating tales can just fuck off. You can't even show some sympathy for me! Not even for my feelings! You told me that I'm hard to handle? Let me tell ya babe, YOU'RE JUST INFINITE HARDER TO HANDLE. My impression towards something, my thoughts about something, my expression towards something will ALWAYS be a big NO to you. You get angry at me for whatever I say. You get pissed off every time I expressed out my opinions and you dare demand an explaination of why people don't tell you things?! Dude, JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF. Do you know that you're a joke to others? You criticized me, you're the reason why I don't believe in my dreams and my wants! Look how strong you are and I'm a foolish to let you win. No one will understand, not even you and surprisingly, YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND. Fuck it! I don't know what else to say to you. I kept giving in, kept falling to my knees though I'M FUCKING PISSED OFF AT YOU! We are no ordinary people but fuck it lah. No words could really describe what I'm feelin'. You made me hate you, pissed off at ya and I feel like punching and kicking your dick! KAU SERIOUSLY TAK TAHU SABAR! KAU INGAT APE?! AKU TAK FAHAM KE PE?! SEMUE ORANG SAME SIAKK! You people just make me sick! SICK! SICK! SICK! I really want to move out from this country like ASAP! I wanna move to KL and forget everyone or better yet, I JUST WANT TO LEAVE THIS CRUEL WORLD! ALL GUYS ARE THE SAME, ALL SLUTS ARE BITCHES AND EVERY SHITT KEEPS REPEATING! NO ONE REALLY LEARN FROM HIM/HER LESSON. I'm tired of all this shitt! Aku sakit hati pun kau tak heran. Handphone kau lagi penting perr! abeh aku?! I JUST CAN'T STOP CRYING! AKU CENGENG KAN?! BIAR UHH! AKU KAN MEREPEK!!!! I guess only god knows how my heart ache. Who would bother ask about me anymore? Who would want to be with me? I'm a loser, I'm just a pain in the ass. People LEAVE me for someone better and so be it! Penat siakk! Aku nak marah kau pun, berat siak hati aku! Kau tau nak marah aku aje! kau ingat, kite ni dalam pertandingan pekik/ marah per?!

Original version of Just A Dream
I was thinking about her, thinking about me.
Thinking about us, what we're gonna be?

Your FUCKING SHITT VERSION
I was thinking about me, thinking about me.
Thinking about ME, WHAT I'M GONNA BE?!

Behind all this, after counting till hundred + wash my face for six times, I guess I'm okay. Forget about it. Don't you ever regret with what you've done. Don't you ever regret with what I've done. Toy me all you want coz one day, it will be the last you ever see me. Let's just see the changes that I'll bring to ya soon. I loathe ya.

2010-12-07T14:30:00.003+08:00

07. So far I am no where near to trouble. Everything is neutral. Baby had moved to Pasir Ris and this would mean that I won't be able to meet baby like we usually would. I mean, we would have our meet-ups but no last minute. I have not start on working due to the bookings that was already full. In addition to my heartache is that there will be plannings and I am out of cash. Schools gonna start really soon, fuck it.

I'm starting to miss my friends. I went shopping with my family last week and it's not the shopping that we usually do. We were actually shopping for guide books, pens and some other shitts to get us started on our revision. For me, I picked both Chem and Physics while sis picked Geo and Maths. Though we have bought all the things we need, still.. We were so lazy to get our lazy ass and study. So many distractions.

I hope you come across this blog. I miss you so much babe. I can't wait for our Monday Date. Missing you truckloads baby butch. haha

2010-12-02T13:39:00.003+08:00

02.Woke up pretty early for someone who wanted to jog-.- In the end, no jogging. pfft. okay, the plan for today is to get my form submitted to the community centre and spend the evening with love after he gets back from work. Currently, there's nobody at home and I'm feeling' pretty bored. And people, my prepaid is damn low. So I won't be texting/replying any of your text. Not to forget, answering your calls. I sensed that someone has hacked into my facebook account. Every time I deactivate it, the next day or so, when I logged in using baby's account, there! My profile. It has been reactivated back. I'm gonna change my password. haishh.

My sisters and I will be sleeping at my mum's place tomorrow for something on Saturday. I don't feel like going. Urghh.. I feel like I have changed. It is like, I'm more competitive, more inconsiderate of others and I do not know since when I keep holding on grudges of people. Maybe, after the hurtful things that opened my eyes changed me to be who I am today. It's like I don't want people to hurt me easily and all resulted me to be like this. My grandfather was right, changing into a bad person can be in a blink of an eye. I feel all yucky inside.

Down to the bridge of memory lane. I think I missed you. haha

2010-11-30T19:41:00.002+08:00

30.Every Monday will be our so called "date plus quality time together". So far for this week, the date went extremely superb. We laughed all the way, share some stories and end the day with the movie that I was dying for; Rapunzel and it's in 3D. I know it will sound lame but that was my first 3D movie. hehee. I love it, every seconds of it. It seems that all of my craves were granted. I got the movie I wanted to watch, sticky that I have been yearning for months ago and guess what? Baby even bought me a shirt. Thank you for everything, love. We have yet to plan for next week but hopefully, it would be better and also I hope the weather won't be so chilly. I hate when it rained. I have deactivated my facebook so I won't be uploading the pictures of us right now. I will reactivate it soon.

Others than that, I have been feeling pissed off for the past few days. That's not how I roll. I must admit, I'm the type who DOES hold on grudges. So before I do something which you won't expect from me, I suggest you get your fucking facts right before spitting out some assumptions. Okay?

2010-11-25T22:48:00.005+08:00

25. I love my boyf and no one can compete with him, I swear.

Re-Edit

I was amazed with Bruno Mars' songs. Especially one of my new favourites, "Starting Today"

Every girl deserved to have her own Bruno Mars and I strongly agree on that. Well, I won't say that love is a sweet talker or anything but Starting Today really reminds me of you. Yes you, baby. It brings me back to the old days when we were sec3 where there were a lot of changes that the both of us had to accept and also hang with. Sec 3 were the most horrible year for me and some of the months were when I was always at the bottom of the roller coaster ride. Look at us now. I know I have been complimenting about us for the past few days/week. Maybe I was too happy to see the changes we have went through. We still fight and have our little arguments but still, the way we deal with it was a miracle, don't you think so? That song has the totally same meaning when you told me back then and it also stated the word "Best Friend" Trusting you was so hard with all the major changes. Boy, I love you so much. Funny, I suddenly feel like kissing you. haha. Gaaaaa.. It's like falling in love again and again. I love you.

2010-11-24T05:50:00.005+08:00

24. I didn't want to post anything but I was bored and I needed something to chill my mind. There's nothing much that can be done at this kind of time. That bitch woke me up and guess what? She brought her clone. Of al these years, you still thought I was the same sleeper just like you. She almost took me and my sis jacket and now sis laptop charger. Funny isn't it when I suddenly sit down and hit you with the charger. Asshole. I swear, there's gonna be a fight between you and I and this time, I'm gonna introduce you my feet and your face okay bitch? Have you no heart or eyes to see what is happening? You are actually the scars to everyone's heart. You are the reason of why we are famous; people talks negatively about you, bitch! Do you know that I am ashamed of even going to school? Do you even know that I was pissed when an idiot asked me if I am your sister and that if it was true that you got beaten up? Even on MSN?! Do you know what does embarassing means? Or better yet, do you even own a feeling? You're just a piece of trash.

I fucking hate what I'm feeling right now. I seriously hate this issue that I am facing. Godammit. It's like 5 plus in the morning. Mum is coming today and I really hope mum would do something about that bitch. Somehow, I miss Haqim though we have just met. We didn't fight or anything. We were bored and decided to take a walk. I love you. That was one of the best talk that we ever had but please don't make it sound like as though talk is cheap but I have a strong feeling that we won't. I'm proud of us and I love how I run> jump> you catch me> carry me by your back(: I can be spoiled sometimes, who doesn't? Baby, you know there will be more challenges for us and I am ready to face it with ya side by side. We're more than just an ordinary couple and you know what I am talking about.

Life is getting harder and harder. I didn't thought it would get this far. I felt so terrible. Don't worry, I'll get a job and the pay will all go to you okay nenek? Insyaallah. I'm serious in looking for a job. I have already planned with baby but not gf. Will keep in touch with her soon. I guess December's fun will have to wait till next year.

After three weeks then I just got to know but few days back you.... Love really knows his way around and I love you, Haqim. Thank you, I wasn't even mad at all.

CONTINUING

I'm furious. I'm super pissed right now. If you happen to jump right here, STALKER, I suggest you leave me and my boyfriend alone. And not to forget, leave my family alone! I know how generation nowadays is and I have no secret between me and my family regarding about my boyfriend. My grandfather knows him and knows everything about us so if you think by telling him things would make me fall, I suggest you try harder aye? Oh my god, what are you? I can't believed I'm already a superstar before my face gets in the television. I've already have people being so KPO in my life. For goodness sake, get a life unless you fucking want to be a paparazzi who is asking to get into the hospital with a reason. Bitchface, I can show you that I am the reason. Going to people's facebook and reporting it to them. haha. Fuck, I have tons of pictures of me and my boyfriend which everyone in this family has seen. Seriously, I would like to congratulate you for your first trial but do try harder next time okay? I fucking dare ya. If you really have no life at all, why don't you suck someone's dick okay?

2010-11-22T22:47:00.005+08:00

22. I miss someone so badly. It's a she. She looks like me but she's a slightly shorter version of me. She is super loud, just look at the size of her mouth. She is always fond to be hyper though she is freaking lazy to do any house chores. She's stubborn and stuck up at times. Her sleeping hours for the holiday would be around 3am or later and she wake ups would be 3pm. I love her dearly and she will find my hugs suffocating. haha. She's cunning, straightforward and is a total brat. I miss her like so so much.. I miss my 13-year-old baby sister. gaaaaaaaaa...

I adore love so much though I hate your criticism. You're my hero though you've lost your mind. You still owe me a chocolate from Candy Empire since 2008. haha. Goddammit, I hate you. I HATE, HATE, HATE YOU. huhuu.

Thanks for the "wonderful" tales about me, but I'll pass. I suggest you get your life move on before I stop it for ya. Can I kill you with my heels?

2010-11-21T14:01:00.004+08:00

21. It has been five days since I last post something. Life has been neutral/BORING nowadays. I have got nothing much to do. Everyday seems to be the same. I do the same things, at the same time, the same people. I am currently looking for a job. It has been months that I had worked. Gosh, I miss the smell of money but for the mean time, I was thinking of starting my holidays' assignments. Maybe, I shall start on it at once.

To be frank, this isn't what I had in mind. I thought, I would fall despite being taken advantage numerous of times. I thank ya for letting me speak up. Goddamn it, it feels good. I hope you realised that you have been messing with the wrong girl and that you shouldn't have taken advantage of girls. Apart from all of the above, I really want you to know that, You're just a bucket of coward that has been filled with shitt. How you like me now? Age? I'm not scared of ya and your plastic babes. Cheerio(:

The worst part about weekends is that my phone would always be mute though it is in general mode. In other words, no text messages/calls. Not from love nor will it be from my friends. pfft.. Love is currently busy with his kendarat. I told ya that we won't be able talk on weekends. You're always busy on weekends and it's driving me nuts. Not that I do not understand ya or anything, it is just that I will miss you more and more(': I love ya.

I miss Gfs so much. I miss K.K so much. We really have to party hard before school re-opens or better yet, before December. Next year is gonna be a hell year for us. We've seen how those graduates performed during the year. It's our turn to shine babey! Let's go for a picnic/bowling/roller-blading etc ? I miss you guys a lot.

Candle, please make my wish comes true. Saturday was the worst, hopefully Thursday would be okay. Sometimes I do wonder who would ever come to visit my blog and read all this junks anyway. I love blogging.

2010-11-16T20:07:00.003+08:00

16. I just got back from meeting love and I am super proud of you. I guess this is the first step in saving our relationship and I am proud-er of you for having the guts to take the lead/ realised it. I was both happy + sad. Fireworks in my tummy. hehee.

Well, let's talk about Chalet okay? The chalet went superbly smoothly. Well, it was fantastic for me as it was my very first time going for a chalet. I slept on the first night as I had no enough sleep at baby's. When it comes to the second night, everyone on the other hand were all exhausted. I remembered when everyone was looking so restless and lying on the bed/floor while I was the only one sitting. Thank god, Faiz accompanied me through the night but we fell asleep too near to 6am. Did I mentioned all of us sat at this park and just stared at the stars. Everybody was so amazed with it. We even tried to make a shape out of them but sadly it can't be seen in Yishun)': If it could, I would never fail to stare at it all night. Reminded me of Haqim. I love you baby.

I will upload all the photos as soon as possible at facebook. I love my friends dearly(:

2010-11-14T10:02:00.005+08:00

14. Slept over at baby's and I just reached home. Will be busy in a few minutes till I don't know when. I have yet to pack my things for the chalet. Will be going with Ayu and Nani. Hmm... Currently, I am all alone in the house and my mood for now is cranky. haishh.

Somehow, I just hate where we are. I guess somethings aren't meant to be spoken huh? I should get control of my mouth and also my gesture. It's like there's no freedom of speech to it. fuck it.

One down, three to go. Please make it a bombastic one.

13. It's the date of the month(yesterday). This is gonna be a boring/sweet post if you want it to be. Well, happy 38th. Though we had faced a lot of struggles and sometimes we see eye to eye as enemies, I am happy to still say that I love you. You are the best and you know that. Though words aren't enough to describe what I am trying to tell you right now, I just hope that you really feel what I feel. Yea.. I know at times, I can be unreasonable or stuck up and sometimes, I find you very irritating with you being egoistic at times, I will still love you. There's a lesson to this all and of course, I have learnt a lot from this 38 months we had been together. I t was no surprised that we don't know anything about each other. I do not even know how to spelled your name when we were 1 day in BGR. It's funny how the person you do not know nothing at all could act as your other half. It's funnier when everytime you want to just fuck off from that place and go with someone else, I keep thinking about you. I admit, I was selfish but I've learnt that we must give and take. Without both, nothing will be okay. Each year, the both of us learnt something special. Remember when we used to argue about Trust? Patience? Promises? I am really proud of us and I am of course proud of you. Not only because of what you have put in effort for us to still be as one but others things too. I can't imagined how hard my life would be without you. Though when we were both pissed off with one another and I would sometime imagined what it would be like without you, yes, it would be okay but that is imagination not the real deal. We had broken up for almost three times( if I'm not wrong) and the feelings sux. I guess no other boy can be as perfect as you. We're violent. straightforward, harsh, selfish and etc but your hand is still in mine. We gossiped like girlfriends do, we teases like those dudes out there and we share a heart like a couple. As a bestf, you are exactly like one of my gf. As a couple, I love you more than you would ever imagined. I know, I sux in relationships and I'm not a pro in it. Nobody are, not even Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens. Not Beyonce Knowles and Jay-Z. Not Katy Perry and Russel. They've went through several battles to get in tip-top shape. I miss those late night calls till 3am and we look horrible the next day but still it's worth the time. I miss us "exploring" Yishun as we weren't familiar to this neighbourhood. We both tried new things together like recently, we went for a sisha which is like at the 11th storey. Funny isn't it? haha. I'm sorry for being the worst girlfriend. You would usually say nice things to me like " to me, you're just perfect" but still, if I am really that perfect, things won't get out of hand. Everytime you say things nice about me like " You still waited for me even after.... ", I never failed to cry. Even right now, while I am typing, tears are rolling. I love when you pinched me hard on my cheecks or you bite my cheecks leaving me in pain and me running after you. I really miss them all. I love you Baby Boy. Once again, happy 38th syg.

-BabyGirl

2010-11-11T21:47:00.003+08:00

11. Two more days baby and three more days till chalet! I am finally done with my nails. Still, there is still some space for improvements. I did not go for Malay Dance prac. as I was damn exhausted from yesterday outing. I keep feeling like I wanna throw out but now, I am all back to normal. Morning was great and I do not know why. I had a splendid time with love after he was done with his thing. We talked and spilled some beans. Gosh, I love you, superhero. haha. He saved me. Evening on the other hand was calamitous. I do not wish to speak about it.

It seems like as though I am on facebook/twitter/blog like 24/7-.-" I seriously have nothing better to do. I've got no one to accompany me except for baby and he's busy at times with his work. Sis on the other hand is always out. That goes for both of my grandparents. Pfft. I'm so bored. Saturday! Saturday! Saturday! *chanting* Chalet! Chalet! Chalet *chanting*. I would be having four days straight with the people I love. Monthsary and 3D2N chalet. Am gonna be a tiring one but I hope it's a memory that I will never forget.

What's the use of being friends with a jerk right? You should stop humiliating people before we humiliate you. Wait.. continue humiliating people. I would love to see you suffer and fall. muahahahaa*evil laugh*

No speling error!!! weeeeee!! I'm proud of myself but still, I am going to push for my grammars and etc.

P.S my boyfriend loves to spy on Bapoks.

2010-11-10T22:02:00.004+08:00

10. That's it for the week. Well, almost. Last practice for Malay Dance and then I can chill. Malay paper was tougher than I thought. I felt like shedding some tears when I got hold of the paper. Being there sitting all tensed. It was a suckish feeling and I do not know how can the graduating class handle it for three weeks. Hahaa. nvm, my time to shine will come. Like I have said, the paper was not the same as the first time I took. I did not managed to finished two damn fucking questions. Pathetic much. Me and gfs weren't into the mood of exam or major exam anyway. I know it sounds stupid but nahh.. I just don't see any future for me when comes to Malay. Fuck it.

We ended our paper around 1215noon and everyone headed to our own way. For me, it was home sweet home. Closed my eyes and chill for a few minutes and dolled up. Met peeps and off to Airport to give Rahziah a surprised. Well, I blew it. At first it was okay until I panicked and told her that I was with my cousin who had just came back from Australia. I'm such a bad liar. haha. After Rahziah had really went off with her flight, we had nothing in mind so we found a spot to just chill. The spot where Me, Ayu and Shamira went last year during our visit to the airport. Last year, we danced to the song of Single Ladies by Beyonce. Today, thanks to the Mafiaz, we girls learnt some steps for the song One In A million. We spent the rest of the hours there till 1900+ before leaving for home.

Baby is still outside I guess. Have not had a call from him since afternoon. Perhaps he is busy on his way back home. I miss you like one hell. I can't wait till Saturday baby! Me plus you plus camera plus idk where you are going to take me to. haha. I just hope our date will be a soothing and an enjoyable one. Town, town, town. You're as sweet as a candy. Candy Boy aku.

Something has been on my mind for quite a long time. Not recently but far far months ago. I feel like I am a tissue. When you are down and you need a tissue to wipe your tears, I was the one who did it all. I held your hand and stood by you but what hurts the most was that I was betrayed. I gave you my faith, my dreams but f- it, you treat me like dirt. I was cheated for months. I had to learnt the hard way and I felt stupid for believing in you. Do you know that you resembles a perfect jerk? How could you be so heartless and leave her just like that. I know that, that was the past but still.. It is stuck inside my head. What you did actually was not supposed to be forgiven but maybe I was dumb to have believed that friends would be the best solution. Though we are just friends, I still hate you for what you had did. Sometimes, I feel like getting you back but revenge is not the key to it.

2010-11-08T21:04:00.003+08:00

08. Abdul Haqim's

The difference between us then and now. Godd.. Even when it comes to love. I love you more than how much I used to.

2010-11-07T16:46:00.006+08:00

07. I am back from my 3D2N KL trip. It was supposed to be a for 4D trip but due to my Malay Paper that I am forced to take, I have no choice but to get back a.s.a.p. The trip was neutral. I got myself a pair of Pink Supraa Shoe. Well, I don't really know what a Supraa shoe really looks like but the salesperson told me that the shoe I bought is a Supraa shoe, so what the hell. Both nights were spent at my Aunt's. Currently, I am in a sleepy mode. I kept yawning and it is just 1730. I did not managed to finished my Malay homework so it means that I will have to finish it later and I will probably need 4 hours to finish them all. Pathetic right? Like I've said in my previous post, I superbly hate Malay. My target for this time round will be a B3 or a B4. Why? My Malay sux and I am not afraid to admit it.

These few days that I have been apart from you feels like shitt to me. I was really offended with what you did or better yet WHAT YOU NEVER DID. Every time I call you, every time I text ya. Nothing at all. To you, it might be nothing and I am just over-reacting but to me.. Haishh. Does not mean that I am not around, means I am nothing to you. I know you don't mean to do anything to hurt me but sometimes, I need more from ya. I can be both supportive like a cheerleader and understanding like a psychologist but will I get both of that too in return? F- this feeling. I don't want us to get into any fight just because of this but haiyooo.. Why is it so hard for you to just fucking give in and just say that you're sorry? Not once, not twice. Bullshitt. I can't take this. You and your unbelievable tales. Don't you think enough is enough? Or do you still wanna push it to the limit?

I don't think anyone misses me. I don't think anyone needs me anymore. I'm good for nothing. I am just a waste of everybody time. I am the caused of everyone misery. I seriously hate this shitt. We don't always get everything that we wished for. I am against fairytale and everything/everyone who promises a happy ending. Those four hour journey made me realised something. I am a changed woman. I cry way too lot than I used to do. Small things has it means to me. I gave up easily and I let my heart get hurt way too often nowadays. I keep giving stupid chances to undeserved people and I keep "closing one eye" for every situations. I tried to be chill.. To be cool but nothing I do makes you takes notice of me. In your eyes, I am just a failure huh? I am just a waste of your time till you keep having me on my knees asking you please. Is it wrong for me to be jealous? Or is it you who do not know the simple technique of " TELL HER". What the fuck? Yes.. You'll probably want me to fuck off right now.

I don't know what's pulling me down or what is the caused for pulling us down. To blame on others or yourself? To stand for your rights or to give in and make it seems like it's your fault? Being called weak or being called a man? I'm stubborn, I'm fickle minded and bossy. I can be stuck up and be someone who never fails to pisses you off. I am all of the aboved. So deal with it or go. Down! Down! Down!

2010-11-04T20:34:00.005+08:00

04. It is like falling in love all over again. What really opened my eyes was that, though we yelled and scream at each other, we seem to be fine and fall in love more than before. I just love how we used sarcasm while we are quarelling and then laughed. Soon, everything was back to normal.

Excuse my English. Haha. Currently doing nothing. I just came back from meeting dearest love. Am gonna miss you so much. What the hell with the piles of Malay worksheet? I hate Malay but what to do. Paper is gonna be held on the 10th of November( 6 more days). Tomorrow's family trip has not yet been confirmed due to I don't know why-.-" Actually, I don't feel like going. I do not have the mood to be in that Happy Mood. I thought I was going to jump and got myself excited for it but nahh. . Not into it after I found out something.

2010-11-02T19:40:00.004+08:00

02. Yes, prolly it is the only person I can seek for help. It does not makes a sound nor does it respond but it had helped me a lot especially when I need someone. It hears me. It is beautiful and has it's skin change almost each month. It usually has it's on tune but for now, it is mute. It records postive/negative/boring events and pictures. The first thing I do when I got myself into trouble is look at it. I had cried infront of it and also slept infront of it. It was the one who accompany me when no one is at home and it was the first before any other. I don't believed in expressing your feelings to others anymore. Well, I guess, things aren't meant to be spoken but just hear. That is how it is. I guess, I love It rather than anyone in this world. I have changed a lot and only It knows every difference in me from A to Z. I am very fragile when I am sensitive. I cry a lot though no one knows that. I keep telling people that I can handle things but actually, I am insecure about everything.

I guess you were right. Afterall, I am dumb right?

2010-11-01T16:24:00.005+08:00

01. Back to basic. It's the first day of a fresh new month. Monday blues, as per usual. Had my first coaching followed by my first SYF practice. Two words people; HUNGRY & TIRED. Woke up super late for school. My class started at 9 in the morning but i woke up 15 minutes before that. I won't blame my alarm clock or anyone. The day before yesterday, I could not get myself sleep so I stayed up till 5am which is just now and I was too tired to even see the clock when it was already time for me to wake up. Everyone around me was acting like an alarm clock without any snooze button. haha. Originally, class ends at 12 and Malay dance starts at 12. We knew that our instructor would be fashionably late, so me and gf sneaked to mac to have our lunch plus breakfast. We were starving like hell.

Oh god. I do not know how to tell you or when to tell you. I really miss you Abdul Haqim)': I know everything have been going smoothly but I just sensed that something is still missing. I can't figured out what it is but I can feel hat there is something. I hope you read your fb message soon. I love you bestf+boyf. I am really looking forward for our monthsary. You owe me a new body lotion. haha. And I want it in cherry flavour. I hope you are doing fine dear. Maybe I am just too shy nowadays. Haha. I do not know why.

Me and gf are looking forward for this Friday. Am gonna leave our Friday peeps for Melacca for gf and KL for me. I can't wait for it. Me and sis have not decide what to wear for what day. Girls.. haha. I might be wearing something slack-ish while Idah of course.. Whatever she wears, she's gonna look awesome in it, unlike me): Gonna take tons of pictures with her and print it asap to decorate our small and cozy room. I wanna buy a new cap and maybe a new shades. Tops and bottoms is a must to buy. haha. And I am in need of a new leather bag. Planned with my grandma to buy a brand new chanel bag. Well, I am not into those kind of bags but what the hell. No harm trying new stuffs right?

I love Justin Bieber's hair and lips. So hot. haha

2010-10-29T15:29:00.003+08:00

29. I miss boyf dearest)': I'm tired + bored + I am having a terrible headache. Third audition was okay and I made it in(: It was a heart-punding moment for me actually. My back hurts so badly and I feel so nauseous. I just hate when she brags about everything. I am currently at home alone. Sis has went to meet her friend. My grandparents went out on a date. haha. cute right? My brother has left for work. Boyf is out with his mum. The only living things in this house is that rabbit and he is asleep. I wanna drink slurpee uhh. . I'm looking forward for 13 and chalet. Probably to the Beach again with Baby and the next day is the first day for chalet(:

I do not like the sound of it. Being second in place? Being the second best? Being second of anything or everything. I won't die or suffer like some maniac out there just to get your freaking attention. Well, I don't actually want any attention. I don't want anything when it comes to you. As a friend, I promise that I will be there but what you had shown me is just bullshitt. You made it sound as though I'm your back-up plan. You're next-in-line girl. If this is what friendship to you means, then forget about it. You might had not been noticing about it but I will back off soon enough. Who do you take me for? Your part-time-second-brand-person-to-keep-you-company? I'm tired of listening to your cries. It does not mean anything to me but I was a fool to have some sympathy for you. I believed that everyone should be given a second chance but too much chances is just your way out to get yourself free from trouble. You do not have to feel guilty for leaving me or feel bad about yourself. Is that the reason for you to still be here? I would appreciate if you just move on, forget what you did wrong and turn over a new leaf. There's no harm to that right? Wishing you all the best for your future endeavours.

Stop making it sound as though there's more to us.

Girl, you better love what you got before it all goes away.

2010-10-28T15:55:00.002+08:00

Thanks for ruining my life aye B-I-A-T-C-H.

2010-10-24T23:29:00.005+08:00

24. The current time now is 23.29. It's still early right? Besides, I won't be going to sch tomorrow due to promotion day. Baby has left me for his beauty sleep. Poor love, tired after a long day. haha. Sis and grandparents are also asleep. Will be having my breakfast with grandparents tomorrow. I'm craving for this drink from Chong Pang. I don't usually/ dare to drink Soya Bean coz I hate the smell. I only drink this Soya Bean from Chong Pang. haha. weird right? Will be meeting or shall I say fetching baby from Bt. Batok after his course tomorrow. We won't be spending much time for this upcoming week as our schedule are both fucking packed. Shitt right? Luckily, there is such thing called "technology." ..... I'm out of words. I'm bored plus alone):

I envy those people who had went out having tons of pictures to be uploaded in their album. I want to go out so badly. The only date that I am looking forward are my monthsary and class chalet. As posted in my previous, previous post, I was supposed to attend Ashvini's Birthday party.. Well, I didn't get to. Anyway, I am looking forward for this Saturday. Oh please make it happen. I wanna go shopping so badly): I can't take it. I promise, I will buy things that I need. Tops, Bottoms, Bag and watch! I grouped them as my needs. haha. I know, I know.

Stop being such an ass. Your ridiculousity is not needed anywhere especially not near me. I do not entertain such nonsense nor will I entertain all this crap. Just accept it or ignore it. You do not need to sound as if you are all on top. Knowingly, this was going to happen, I helped it out. But by you giving this kind of reaction, I regret for promising you all those shitts. I don't want to be the middle guy so yea. Drop the act and moved on with it. After all that has been said and done, you are going to be still the same. I am just going to live my own life and not caring about others. Mom used to remind me to think of others and not one self but you guys do not deserve to be treated properly. So? Two words, FUCK OFF. I do not need such people like you. Thanks for acting like you care coz you people are sick. Your ego is too big for your dickhead. Now that I'm gone then you guys are telling me all this? What The Hell. Heart Pain. Just leave me alone.

2010-10-23T09:32:00.003+08:00

AKU RINDU SATU ORANG AND THAT'S ABDUL HAQIM BIN NASIRUN)':

2010-10-22T19:28:00.003+08:00

22.Thank God It's Friday. haha. Had my Malay Dance prac. just now and the day before yesterday. Well, so far the dance steps were easy( for them but sadly not for me T-T) Fingers crossed aye? haha. Apart from that, I have been having mood swings oftently and usually when love is around. I am sorry for all the troubles I have caused. Dan, I rindu sangat dengan U b.. haha. Will be going out for my first outing since the exam is over with Gfs to town tomorrow to celebrate. I have no idea of what to wear for tomorrow. I guess I will be wearing something slack-ish. For the first time I have no mood to figure out of what to wear. haha. I am trying to change not to be those type of girls who is easily jaded with the things they have bought or wore at least once. I want to save the earth. Seriously, I swear. By that, it would also mean I want to save my money and only spend on what I need. Aren't cha proud of me? haha. Anyway, I have a Math test that me and my classmates would have to sit. We are going to take this year N-Level paper for a try-out. Though, no marks will be recorded to worsen our record book, still I do not want to fail my Math. I am going to spend my weekends revising and practising my math, Insyaallah(:

Will re-edit back. going to meet sis at np.

Back! It only took me literally 30 minutes to go plus back home with sis. Currently, I have nothing on my mind. I know that no one can help you in this situation but hey, you've got me. These three years means a lot to me more than it is just a name. I have learnt a lot. No matter how monstrous the situation is, baby you know I will never let you fall. It is true that I can't help you but by listening and giving, it does means a lot. I know you are having a hard time dealing with your life plus more new events came up and you have to accept them as your new routine. It is okay baby, please look at the bright side. Either way, you should be thankful at where you stand now kay? You may feel like the world is against you, but I will assure you that you are not in the field alone. I will stand by you to fight it all(: You're my boyf+bestf. Remember that kay?

-It's the first step of moving on babe. I'm happy for ya. trully I am.

2010-10-19T12:21:00.005+08:00

19. JUST HANG IN THERE, SHA. EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.
I just wanna cry.

- I miss you

2010-10-17T22:43:00.003+08:00

17. My day starts at 0900hours. Spent the whole day mostly by fb-ing and twitter-ing. It was kind of a boring weekend for me coz usual, something happening will happen so yea.. nothing much. Have been going out like everyday without failing for the whole week but this weekend is something different from the other days and I'm fine with it actually. well, part of it. Spent my evening with Gf. Went LSR to chill our mind and thoughts. It was so cooling and peaceful and we talk non-stop. Thanks for the night gf(: We thought of going inside the stadium but sadly, it was already closed. Maybe next time aye? So yea.. That's it for this torture of boredom weekend.

(16/10/10)

Woodlands Waterfront with gf. I have uploaded the pictures at facebook.

I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm disappointed. Yet there's nothing. At times like this.. fuck lah.

So many things inside this little brain of mine. CB. I can't handle this. I can't do anything. Should I cry to ease the pain? Should I continue to ignore all this shitts? I just wanna cry but I know, I am not a cry baby. I don't need any charity from anyone. I have been trying to imagine myself at the positive side but shitt, nothing seems to be right. True, it was small but you made it big. Problem after another. Problems piled up infront of me. If you can't be there then tell me that you're leaving okay? I don't give a damn anymore. I'm not in your thoughts anymore. I won't ask for sympathy from people like you do so yea.. FUCK OFF.

and, this is all jumble up. this is like a 3-IN-1 paragraph.

2010-10-16T10:42:00.003+08:00

16. Morning air filled my room and soon I was wide awake. Got myself ready and went with family; Iqah and my grandparents to go to do my shopping. I've been waiting for this for a week now but sadly, it seems that I am forced to wait for another week. We were at the checkpoint around 8am and when we almost entered in the customs to get our passport chopped, the car suddenly broke down. After numerous times of trying, we gave up and called the emergency hotline to get our car towed to the service station. It was an unlucky day for us especially me. Wait! That's not the end of it, we were even forced to walk plus crossed the busy road to Woodland Centre there near Sheng Siong to get ourselves a cab. And I'm tellin' ya.. It's dangerous. Not long after the incident, here I am, in my house blogging and I'm starving): Will be going out to get our car back in a few hours. This time round, the whole family might be going coz grandma came out with the idea of going to tamp mall afterwards. The whole family loves going to Tamp mall and I mean it.

Love,

Let's not be hasty with our temper okay? We are matured enough to settle this though I know we are too stubborn to think about the other party. It's just about whether to go to the movies or the plan. Or better yet.. Let's just wait till my sch is closed kay? haishh): Let's give ourselve a time out.

-I dare ya to make me cry. seriously.

2010-10-14T12:48:00.003+08:00

14.I miss staring at the dark skies and hunting for stars with ya. I know, I have yet to be strong. I miss you so much monyet but I can't really tell if you do the same for me): I find all those text messages means nothing much coz it doesn't proof annything. I don't know what to do. I don't want you to go.. just yet.

Two more hectic paper to go before I can partayyyy! Haha. okay. I screwed my history paper and I can predict that I am going to fail my POA. I didn't study anything for POA. I blame my sister and my body for it-.-" Gonna push really really hard for physics. Chemistry was average but still haishh.. So many outings in such short notice. I don't think I will have any cash in time for my outings. I might be looking for job. Will be asking brother if his workplace has any vacancy. I'm in need of cash): I know.. Typical girls.. kay, shut up. Gonna hang out at Ayu's with usual Friday gang. Planning to watch Lagenda Anak Setan. At first I thought it's like those typical scarry movie but it's actually a love story. So gonna catch it tomorrow and surprisingly, my grandparents had watched it first. I miss my sister so much. We didn't spent much of our time together as we have been too busy studying. Everytime I came back from the library or etc, she has already reach lalalaland. Gonna plan with her another outing so as to celebrate the end of year but this time, gonna celebrate as a family. hmm.. The beach sounds a great idea but Idah wants to improve on her photography. She once told me that she wanted to go somewhere like town. Hmm.. Okay that's it for today. The time now is 1306hour. Gonna chill and off to amk library.

By saying that you have moved on means I'm nothing to ya anymore.
- save yourself (James Morisson)

2010-10-13T00:03:00.006+08:00

37th, with love.

13. It's already midnight and I'm done with my chem. Spent like three bloody hours on it but shitt, I didn't seem to absorb anything from it. Gonna study history next and I have a feeling that I will have panda eyes. Bigger and darker than now-.-" I slept late, late around 4am and if I fail terribly then it must be that I'm born stupid. haishh. I really wanna pass my combined science since I know I'm gonna' flunk my combined humanities but I know I won't thanks to what Ms Siva has told the class. I managed to finish up both of my S.S essay but not even a complete SBQ and if you asked me about history. haishh. I have no time to study history. My only hope is my english. How demoralizing. Apart from that, life has been great if you ask me. Nothing new actually but something really gave me the shock of my life. I find it funny somehow but yea...

After all that have been said and done, I'm not hurt or anything. As a friend, I am happy for ya. So please, ignore me. Even if my cries is the only thing you could hear, just walk away kay BABE. monyetmonyetmonyet. does that rings a bell to ya?

Tuhan sahaja yang tahu betapa ku cinta padamu. Kay, I find it abit awkward to be typing that.. haha. fine. I have to go and hit the books right now before someone nags at me. huhuu. and. and.. and. I love you so so much abdul haqim.. sayangsayangsayang.

2010-10-09T16:20:00.003+08:00

KAU PERGI ENJOY ABEH KAU LUPEKAN AKU? WTH?! AKU DAH TAK BLH MARAH KE PE?! FINE UHH! BIAR APE NAK JADI, JADI COZ AKU TAK TAU APE NAK BUAT LAGI KAT KAU. KALAU KAU BOLEH ENJOY AKU PUN BOLEH UHH..

09. My morning begins with a wake up call around 7am. Bath and off to shopping with dearest family but however something went wrong. It wasn't the usual shopping that I used to have. Well, I did managed to get me and my sis a pair of shoe each. Mine is pink in colour, Idah's in green and Ain's in brown. Then we thought of going to our favourite mall but for some reason, we headed back home and off to Northpoint. While both of my grandparents plus Ain were having their lunch, Me and Idah went POPULAR. I got myself two guide books for both Maths and POA. My first intention was to buy a new calculator but it would be a waste of money. Idah on the other hand was all over this photography book so we bought it too. huhuu. I think I'm into it too. haha. Okay, so I entered my house almost to 3pm. Again, bath and now I'm in front of the lappy blogging. Will be spending the rest of the day studying maths and maybe one hour of s.s while tomorrow will be the other way round. Goshh.. I really wanna pass my exam but I have a feeling that I won't have the chance to):

Dearest Nurr, I'm sorry for the harsh tone. I seriously did not mean to vent my anger at ya. It was a bad timing and i apologised for it. Don't tell me that you're used to it coz you know that it will just make it worst. I'm really sorry and do takecare. I miss you so much babe.

2010-10-08T13:43:00.002+08:00

Have been spending most of time at AMK lib. lately like almost everyday. Anything find me there kay people? 1500(latest)-2030.

P.S I'll be there for the whole FYE and insyaallah till sch ends.

2010-10-04T20:41:00.004+08:00

I hope you still remember what PB means )':

04. Monday and it sux. Well, I sux. At some point, I was mad at you. I can't get hold of myself. Maybe the reasons points out at you. Fingers crossed, hoping that I would give you a sincere smile and not a faint one but it seems that you don't deserved any bits or pieces of me. Yes, Imma hard gal but that's me. It felt like you gave me hope and then you crushed my dreams into million of pieces. I know, I've seen it and I apologised for my actions towards you. You were right behind me at that time and gf pointed out to me that you said "hi." It's not a secret that I had been avoiding myself from bumping into ya. Maybe I was afraid of the outcome which would definitely means me getting my eyes all sweat. The only thing you did was just a sad expression on your pretty face and that's it. What is the meaning of this? When I gave myself at you, you act more stubbornly and treated me like I'm none of your business. If I'm nothing to ya, then you could just tell me instead of texting me or do whatever you do in sch. It really sux when I'm at the same path as you but when I'm there, you pull yourself back. What else do you want me to do? I feel so numb. I hope you're happy with it.

-how do you feel ? Hope you're liking it coz' that's how i felt.

2010-10-03T13:35:00.003+08:00

Seeing you walking away was the hardest thing ever.

-IMY BABE )':

2010-10-01T15:56:00.003+08:00

01. Staring from far. It's a miracle how you could grabbed my attention even though you were far from both the distance and the heart. It's even like magic, how you would stuck in my head for days and I ever seem to be feeling so jaded about it instead I like it. Telling you how much I miss is not gonna make any difference. You'll probably ignore on that.. More likely to ignore me. I've done some "test" on ya and yea, the results are all the same. Not gonna push ya coz I know you're going through hard times of ya own but.. nvm. Your major exam is like so effing near and that is what you have been talking about it since the starting of the year. I miss receiving your midnight sweet+long goodnight SMS when you're done studying and all. I miss you so much lah monyet..

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night

That I will fall for you over again

Don't make me change my mind.

2010-09-26T02:28:00.004+08:00

26. The current time is 02:28. Doing nothing useful right now. Sis has left me for her beauty sleep and I am all alone. Started my day badly and end it nauseating. Was not feeling that great and keep dashing to the toilet. Keep vomiting. Sis went through the same thing. Our medicine was sleeping and so, I spent most of my precious time doing it. Woke up a few hours after that and got myself dolled up quickly for the Mid Autumn Festiv. It was a last minute plan by ayu and I asked sis to accompany me as our original plan for today was to go shopping at Cotton On. So, as according to what I have typed, we went to the concert and reached sch around 2100hours. We were kind of late ad we only got to see the last performance. Hey, it was a last minute plan okay people. Had my dinner+supper at MacD and home sweet home around 2315hr. Had my routine phone conversation with Mr Chatterbox. haha. I love you lah deyy. Today conversation was abit awry. Each has a story to share and we got angry at one another but we suddenly laughed a lot. Time flies pretty quickly and we had to say goodbye. bohoo T-T I'm gonna spend my whole day studying, Insyaallah without any interruptions or distractions. It would be a miracle if I could focus on my study 100% without stopping. I might be going on a study date with Rahziah. huhuu^-^ okay, I am out of words now. Sweetdreams.

-For what may the reason is, I'm done thinking.

2010-09-23T19:59:00.005+08:00

I miss that special ringtone and I know that it was you who is calling.

I miss when everytime a msg pops out and your name appears.

I miss that voice of yours especially when you shed some tears.

I miss seeing you try not to cry.

I miss the mess we've went through coz at the end of the day, we will be more in love than before.

I seriously miss you by my side)':

-you never failed to make this heart pound so quickly. Now.. I hope you all the best dear friend / stranger.

2010-09-21T20:51:00.003+08:00

I'm going SOLO...

-I really miss ya babe)':

2010-09-20T11:13:00.004+08:00

Twenty. Skipped sch because I was so damn tired. Yesterday was great. Had a rough start and i'm sorry about it kay? Started our day at 0930 and off to woodlands first. I can't remember how many houses we've went. I miss Rahziah's Briyani.. The best Nasi Briyani I've ever tasted.. haiyomama.. and now i'm craving for more): I especially like going to farhan brother's open house. Some of us sang karaoke. And end our day at ayu's continue watching "TOILET 105". the ghost weren't that scary but the way she was killed was disgusting. I laughed when i saw Hisyam's reactions to it. I reached home around 2200+ with ayu+ad+azzar and din accompanying me till level 3. haha. Sis keeps eating ice cream. It's like she can't live without ice cream. Minimum Four ice cream per day.

-19

I thought you wanna move on? forgetting what we've been through but what's with the text? You're making me feel so confuse even if it was just one.

2010-09-17T22:39:00.003+08:00

SixTeen of the Month and it's Friday. Spent my night with the usual Friday peeps except Nani and Rusydi were not with us. I bake a cheesecake and I'm proud of it. Open house tomorrow and I'll be super busy till I don't know when. Didn't sleep that much and I'm in-need of my beauty sleep. Have been spending more time with Haqim and I'm glad that he was there beside me through ups and down. I feel so demoralised thanks to most of the teachers in my sch. I don't feel like going to school. I hadn't study much and I seriously hate m.t. F- lah. Apart from all that, I have start on my revision with baby steps for starters, an hour a day. Tv programmes sux nowadays. Shows keep repeating and nothing amused me.

-Not gonna fall but I keep failing standing up tall. Is this really the best for the both of us?

2010-09-13T21:50:00.003+08:00

thanks )':

It was suppose to be perfect but despite my high hopes since the starting of the year, none of my wish has been granted. Tired of hoping and wishing hard upon the stars coz in the end, it all come to be having the same fuckin result. Apart from all the shitts that happened today, yesterday or whenever, I feel so stupid. I THOUGHT that I was your shoulder for you to cry on, I thought that I was the one who cure your aching heart. I tried my best to be the only one you could see. I have small, red panda-ish eyes, my cough is nuisance and my nose is having it's running marathon. You saw how horrible I looked and when i thought you would run after me, I was wrong. I was left crying by my fuckin' self without anyone asking me why or what's up. This day means a lot to me. If it doesn't to you then you can jolly well say farewell. You made it sound like as if I don't understand ya. Like I'm an egoistic kind of person. Don't make me talk about the past coz you've seen how much suffering I went through. Maybe this year is my second worst year. And i thought we're gonna make it through till the end. No. I'm battling in this field alone. I just wanna be happy):

2010-09-08T11:16:00.003+08:00

Wednesday and it's raining. pfft. Woke up pretty early for someone who slept really late. Showered and off to take my homework from Rahziah then went northpoint to buy myself something from Cotton On. Sis accompanied half way and went home-.-" Stuck at home doing homework if I wanna go out tomorrow with love. Most probably love is having his Nlevel right now and he'll be busy shopping with his crews later. It's hard to contact him when both of our prepaid are extremely low. Will have to wait till 1130pm for our routine talk. I miss him so much. He kept telling me that i didn't write about him anymore. haha. cute. I love you bonc. We were suffering. Miss! miss! miss! 5 more days till our big day baby;) Okay, my house is in a mess and raya is in like two more days.. wohooo!! can't wait. It's raya season and people kept talking about it here and there. Did i mentioned i did something with my hair? haha. only love and rahziah knows it. haha. well, that's about it. Will update probably tomorrow.

2010-09-06T02:09:00.004+08:00

So.. My first outing of the week is spent with sis, like what i've mentioned in my previous post. We really had a blast and laughing all the way. We woke up kind of late but still I enjoyed every seconds of it. Esplanade> Raffles Place> Geylang> HomeSweetHome. Will upload the rest of the pictures at Facebook.

Upcoming outing is tomorrow/ later with Twinie. She wanted to go to Little India and I don't know why. I find it Funny. hmm.. Then I don't know what's the plan. All I know, I need a dress. Again, Insyaallah, I will be taking tons of pictures with her. Outing day after the other(: Gfs + Irza outing has not yet been confirmed.. hmm.. Will be having Malay dance later and i can't sleep. It's 0214am and my eyes can't seem to be shut. haiyoo.. Insomnia daa..

I seriously miss my Gfs so much so much. please oh please let the Gfs outing go on. haishh.

2010-09-03T22:41:00.002+08:00

Skipped school due to something. Woke up pretty late and off shopping with lovely family. Bought myself bracelet, shorts, shirts and so many things(: Buka at Bbq Chicken. We were shivering like hell. The temp was so effing low. Will be going out with sis on Sunday for a "sister-bonding-thing". We planned to go on Saturday but we had to clean our house for the upcoming raya. My schedule will be packed for this September Holiday. Gonna catch a movie with twinnie on Monday and i've planned an outing with Gfs but has not yet confirmed.

Apart from that, life's been so shitty. I do not know where to start but, yea.. It just got worst. I'm not sure if i should be happy + proud or sad + depressed. I keep sighing every five minutes. I seriously miss you so much lah monyet): But again... nvm. i hope you're happy seeing me like this.

I'm having those downpour moments. F- but i'm sure i'll be okay. Babe, I'm strong. Remember?

2010-08-31T22:57:00.005+08:00

You'll probably think that I'm just like those cry-babies who will fall to their knees begging you not to go. You made me hate my favourite song, made me disgusted for who i was and made me feel all wrong. You're just like those Mats out there lah. a lesson learnt, don't ever make someone your everything coz when he's gone, you're left with nothing. Unspeakable. You got yourself into this and you just want the easy way out? You've messed with the wrong girl. To cut the story short and not make fuss about it, I'll smile. Yes, i'll smile and pretend that nothing you do hurt me. I feel so stupid, how could i be so stupid and blind to see that you're nothing like what you've told me. You used to tell me that you'll be there but f-, you're avoiding me, avoiding us. So? Did i mentioned i'm over you? i saw how you treat others way different from the way you look at me. You're the main subject of everyone's conversation but still, i ignore those criticsm. Y'know what? i'm done with you. D O N E. I'll delete you from my mind. You're not worth of my time and i was so stupid to trust your sickening words. Fiction tears. thanks for screwing my life.

2010-08-28T20:55:00.002+08:00

Let's see if this is gonna be a proper post aye?

So far nothing much. Last Friday marks the first day of Common Test. Outcast-.- Went for studying in the morning and was supposed to go to studying with gf at night but something came up so ended up studying at home. I can't seem to get chem into my head.

i miss someone so badly): i miss you, i seriously do. I can't get you out of my head babe. I wish you do the same for me.

2010-08-25T19:51:00.003+08:00

Nothing matter nows. I have lost hope to everything. I feel so numb. I won't do anything but to just see where this gonna lead me. It was my fault but wth? I won't say much here but just that it is so UNFAIR. I've been sounding so desperate while you on the other hand just don't care. Congrats for hurting me.

2010-08-17T21:51:00.004+08:00

JUST SEE YOUR EMAIL

2010-08-16T21:25:00.003+08:00

To my sweet yet irritating sister, NUR WAHIDAH BTE MOHD FAUZY.

I love you, do you know that. Yes, i've bossed you around like everyday since the day you were born. I love you with all my heart and i would never let anyone hurt you(except me.) Eventhough you've been a pain in my ass and you have been so addicted to facebook, i know you'll be there when i need you the most. I miss the late night talks we had. Bitching about bitches and talking about hot guys till one of us falls asleep. I miss you so much and I love you lah adik. haha. You'll get irritated when i keep calling you that but still i adore the expression you gave me. Oh my god, i sound so lesb. You were right about the bras. haha. We support each other by bringing the other one up when they are down. I love you(:

xoxo

-Nur Quraisha Bte Mohd Fauzy

2010-08-13T21:12:00.005+08:00

yet, i love the way we roll.

Another Post Of The Day.

See how many things could happen in just a blink of an eye? She's feelin' down. She kept playin the same track for 3 hours now and she thought she would be stronger like she usually would feel but no. Not this time. This is it huh? Just gonna see her walk with that guy beside her. Just gonna forget all the moments you both had together? How could you be so dumb? She's calling ya, waitin' for ya but yo so blind to see all that. She dyin to see the man inside of ya coz she knows that man was who she fell with. She swore, she knows nothing about you now except that you've turned into a big jerk. Tears keep rolling down her cheeks and you told her you love her but you didn't do anything. When you both were about to fall even more in love, when you were before. Pictures have been burned to forget about it all. She can't keep it up any longer. She's not how she used to be. She weren't much of a caring person towards you nor is she an understadable kind. She's not your kind. She loves you like no girl would. Her cries could be heard from far. Eyes, red and puffy. So this is it, she says. Wiping off her tears and keep washing her face. She gave it all.. just like that. She wrote..

Thanks for being there. Thanks for showering me with love. Thanks for being my J.B. Thanks for making me feel important. There's so many things i want to thank you but this is all i have in my mind. I love you and I miss you but i can no longer say i need you. I can't be with or without you. I'm sticking to what i said, it's either tonight or there won't be another us anymore. You won't do anything for the sake of us. Not even me. I'm crushed and hurt all thanks to you babe. How about I be your nothing.

2010-08-13T15:27:00.005+08:00

Friday night out with Friday peeps after breaking fast. I miss Friday night but i miss you at my doorsteps more): Despite all the hurtful things we've done to each other, i miss you more than words could describe it. It is not enough but i know i have to understand your situation. I miss you babe. How i wish i could rewind back the time and paused at our favourite moments. You made me go crazy everytime you neglect me don'tcha know that? i don't think so. I don't even know what else to say. Two weeks straight huh? BoysLikeGirls reminds me of you):

I didn't attend school yesterday and i wasn't the only one. Quite a few of my classmates were absent and today we had 7 absentees. After school, head to library to finish up my homework and my back is killing me.

When it gets cold

And feels like the end

There's no place to go

You know i won't give in

No i won't give in

Keep holdin' on

'Cause you know we'll make it through

We'll make it through

Just, stay strong

'Cause you know i'm here for you

I'm here for you

2010-08-10T21:45:00.006+08:00

I'm bored and currently am chatting with Rahziah+Ayu and texting Haqim. The day was a disastrous one. The plan was to wake up at 6am and breakfast with him before he went for his class but i kept pressing the snooze button and we skipped breakfast for today. So instead, i met him after his class and accompanied me to buy myself a new earpiece. It's pink!... and black. After all the walking, laughing and sharing, we slack at home and he had to leave early for something. Spend the rest of the day doing N O T H I N G.

2010-08-09T21:23:00.005+08:00

I'm exhausted, sleepy and freaking bored. Had my morning "jog" around 10 due to someone -.-" After i washed up and all, we fled to geylang to buy family's baju raya. I'll be wearing black, pink and white respectively InsyaAllah. My planning for today was to watch the fireworks with dearest twinnie but had to cancel. I'm sorry. It feels so awkward to be blogging while sister is reading it. It's like I'm taking oral except it's typing. nvm.

-I'm super mad. What else do you
want? Stop thinking about yourself and start to think about others. You're not
living in a world where everything revolves around you. You live whereby there's
human beings with a heart of their own and no control machines. Stop
thinking about your sadness when you know people are actually trying to REACH
OUT for ya. People do care and LOVE ya but you're just so stubborn to see
all that. Unless you learn to open up your eyes to see all this, there won't be
peace between us. It's getting worst as the clock ticks. I don't even know
you.

2010-08-05T19:47:00.003+08:00

I feel so numb. I won't stop following my heart and if heart demands me to hate you, I W I L L.

Been there, done that. Your turn to shine or should i say your time to frown. I do not care at all. So exaggerating. I'm pissed and effing mad. It is kind of of a small thing but i do not know why am i still thinking about it. Guess the only way you would know how i feel is just by dropping yourself here. I'm pleased to hear that, really i'm glad. F- i had t0 lie when they asked me about you.

2010-08-02T23:23:00.006+08:00

Love(I'm a sucker for that feelin')

ZERO. THREE.

If you can't handle me, what makes you think we can make it through?