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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Sunday, September 11, 2011

I have a feeling that no one comes here anymore. I mean, blogging was a trend. I just needed a place to let it out. I might not be able to express everything here but I just want my mind to be in peace. So recently, I've lost someone dearly to me. I won't say that I hte life due to my loss coz it's God's decision to do so. I'll stay strong. Although it is easily said but the heart can't seem to take it. My life will change and I can bet on it. I won't say again that my life will change to becoming worse. These are all challenges for God. I trust him, Insyaallah. I'm glad that he left us without any burden. I'm super glad that he was smiling the moment my grandmother open the plastic thing. Alhamdulillah. There are number of things that I've regreted for not doing and doing. But they say, what's the point of regretting, right? We'll just have to learn from it. Yes, Insyaallah, I'll learn from it. My priorities are different now. Insyaallah, the only person I want to take extra care of is my grandmother, followed by my siblings. My r/s with Haqim won't be the same. No more waking up next to him or sleeping/cuddling with him for now. Besides, he's moving out and I'm not going to school that much. Insyaallah, we'll try to make our relationship work. Like they say in malay, "Kalau ade jodoh, tak ke mane." Not to forget my friends. The telephone has a meaning to it. I know that O's are coming and I'll come just to take the O's paper. I know my decisions ain't the best and I know Atok wants me to study. I will but I want nenek to not live with no problems or burden. Atok tak susahkan nenek, so why must I. I can't afford to lose another. Both had taken care of me since young. Since I was a baby. They're like my parents. I love them. Insyallah, I'll pray for him. I'd like to change my ways. Let they say what they want. Insyaallah, I'll stay strong and be patience with all the haters and their words. I myself am not sure with my decisions but what I've picked is my final. That's it.