Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Ashvini
Ayu
Aisyah
Ellina
Irza
Lisa
NurinQistina
Syakirah
Yaya
Zulaiha
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Monday, October 27, 2008
my current mood is way down. i'm feeling so depressed,disappointed and its obviously sad. i don't know why we can't be just like other normal parents and children? we fought alot without asking what's the thing is wrong and there, either one of us walked out of the house. i feel like a bitch. seriously. she used vulgarities at me. i kept it low and not to shout at you back but some times, my heart could'nt take it and i started shouting and letting all out from my heart. i don't know what to even say about myself. i feel ashamed and also pissed off. wtf. you never did appreciate me, did'nt you? you yelled, you pushed, you asked hte person who had brought you up in a harshly and rudely tone that, that person had pampered me and let the others be treated outsiders. its nothing to do with it. the problem is between you and me and why do you even want to say such horrible things and why didnt you asnwered the questions that, that person asked you? she slapped me with her bare hands, and it's not that i want to brag but i didnt felt pain at all. i felt pain when you pushed him, he was the one who raised you up since you were very young and he raised me up after you did'nt want to take care of me. if he had treated the rest like an outsider, why did he even bought things for them? he never asked money from all of us even after he had work very hard with his own sweat. he would get scolded from his boss when he needed the money for our food and more? you think that ever month we have $1000 free? if its free, its still not enough. have you ever count how many of us stay in the same house? you never think of that because you didnt even care at all. you make fool of your mother and instead of calling him your father you called him 'mak punyer laki' wtf?! you're old! face the reality! even your friends, they work and enjoy at the same time as they are for starters, but you? you slacked around the house and go out to smoke and drink. you think its cool? yea, its cool for someone that desperate for attention like you. i'm like ditching and talking bad about someone, ' darah daging aku sendiri siakk.' stupid shiit. stupid life. i don't blame everything on you. my grandfather wants to go to the HDB and we thought of moving. 3 room flat for me and my grandparents. i'm okay with it. seriously and for the first time, i can't wait to move. i never used vulgarities in my post for so long.. |