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Sometimes I cry so hard from pleading
So sick and tired of all the needless beating
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Exits
Tumblr? Ashvini Ayu Aisyah Ellina Irza Lisa NurinQistina Syakirah Yaya Zulaiha

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Life has been tough lately. I've been away from blogging for so long. To update it all, I've quit my private school and I've applied for a job at Breeks (Northpoint). I've been part of them for a month now and it's been okay fr me. Plus, I get a job where I can see my boyfriend but sadly, not for long as Haqim will be moving out to Jurong and he's still figuring out if he should continue working as a staff at northpoint or should he resign and go fr another nearer outlet.

The reason for why I'm blogging is.. I Just want to let out my feelings. Blogging= me talking to myself. I can't really talk to myself because I don't wanna be called crazy or nuts. Arwah Atok has left us to be with Tuhan. I can't describe what I wanna say as I'm not really good at putting words regarding about my religion. Insya'Allah, Tuhan will understand me. Apart from that, my mother is far far away from my family and I and the reason for why she is there is despicable but what I've learnt is that, good or bad, she is still my mother. I crave for her presence.

I'm having that mixed feelings right now. I don't know if I should be sad or what for my loss. True, I miss them but what is done, is done. I still need to continue with my journey. It gets tougher and tougher though we're staying at mom's L-Shape house. Cash has always been the problem and so is our bonding as a family. I fear if once Nenek has left us, then what will happen to my my siblings and I? I know that we grew up together but we grew in the same house but we didn't spend all of our time together even though we had the time. There are things that I regret not doing and I know that It is not too late. I still have faith that I can make it, right.

Since I've been working, I hope to help Nenek and my siblings. Not only that, my grand-uncle, TokCik (T.C) has been giving my nenek a lot of stress. Till now, neither one of us are capable of handling our own savings. He had given false hopes for nenek and me but he proves us wrong. The reason for why I work and neglect my studies is I know that money is really important for my family, right now. Bullshitt if you say that money is not important. Who would want to give us free money? It's hard for me because I love to procrastinate and I've never like the idea of working and that feeling when you've worked so hard and half of your money been given to support your family. That really suck but I have to learn to live the hard way or else, I wouldn't be able to live when something bad will happen. We do not know what the future has hold for us, right?

Being said, I still wish to study but not right now. I will collect to the sum of $6/7k and get into a private school for O's or i should just get a private Dip. Education is important for us and so is my family but right now, I choose my family over me.

Some people would be very envious of others' wealth. Who wouldn't? I know that I'm here for a reason and I trust Tuhan decision for me. He wouldn't be putting me here if he knows that I can't handle the situation. I can cry all I want and whine all about how miserable my life since the day I was born, till now but I won't. I had lived in a way where there's nothing to worry and I'm not talking about when I was still a toddler or whatsoever. I had everything that I've asked for and I didn't appreciate the people who gave me all that. I was blind with all my needs and Insya'Allah, I won't do the same mistakes again.

Haqim and I have been discussing a lot for our future and it has been planned that we would get engaged this year but something came up so we would need to push the years. Though it was a heart breaking news, we still believes that our status does not matter as long as we love each other. I do not know if he's the guy that I should be calling my "Husband" in years to come. I know, people would change but the thing is, would it be for the better or for the worse. I would wish to live in a future where everyone is reachable. Meaning, if I were to live with Haqim's parents, I would still want to meet my family. I hope I'll be a good mother. A mother who would love her child/children. I would also hope to be a responsible and the person that my children would die not seeing me for a day. I want that kind of love from my children. And for my husband, he should be an understanding father. One who would love and cherish his time with his family and not be too focus on work.

I'm eighteen and I'm growing old each day.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

you're just dumb enough to follow it through. I mean, dammit. You know he's lying and you have the evidence to prove it all but you're just gonna let him go away with it. This is what true stupidity means.

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Bcos he's everything to me.